AGÀFIA TIKHÒNOVNA, _marriageable girl of the merchant class_. ARÌNA PANTELÈYMOVNA, _her aunt_. FÈKLA IVÀNOVNA, _professional matchmaker_. PODKOLYÒSSIN, _aulic counsellor_. KOCHKARYÒV, _his friend_. YAÌCHNITZA, _usher_. ANOÙCHKIN, _retired infantry officer_. ZHEVÀKIN, _seafaring person_. DOUNIÀSHKA, _a girl in the house_. STARIKÒV, _shopkeeper_. STEPÀN, _Podkolyòssin’s servant_. [Illustration] MARRIAGE. AN UTTERLY INCREDIBLE INCIDENT. IN TWO ACTS. ACT I. SCENE I. (_A bachelor’s apartment._ PODKOLYÒSSIN, _alone, lying on the sofa smoking a pipe_.) _Pod._ Really when a man’s alone, and thinks about it at his leisure, it does seem after all as if one ought to get married. Indeed, if you think of it, here one goes on, living and living; and one ends by getting quite disgusted with everything. There, I’ve let the time slip by once more; and it’s holy season[1] again. It’s too bad! Everything’s ready, and the matchmaker’s been coming for the last three months. It makes me feel quite ashamed. Hi! Stepàn! (_Enter_ STEPÀN.) Hasn’t the matchmaker come? _Step._ No, your honour. _Pod._ Have you been to the tailor? _Step._ Yes. _Pod._ Is he making the dress-coat? _Step._ Yes, sir. _Pod._ How far has he got on with it? _Step._ He is making the button-holes. _Pod._ What do you say? _Step._ I said he’s begun to make the button-holes. _Pod._ And didn’t he ask you what your master wants with a dress-coat? _Step._ No, sir; he didn’t. _Pod._ Perhaps he asked you whether your master wasn’t going to get married? _Step._ No; he didn’t say anything about it. _Pod._ Did you see any other dress-coats in the workshop? I suppose he makes for other people too? _Step._ Yes; there were a lot of coats hanging up. _Pod._ But I’ll be bound the cloth of them isn’t as good as mine! _Step._ No, sir; the stuff of yours looks nicer. _Pod._ What do you say? _Step._ I say the stuff of yours is nicer, sir. _Pod._ That’s all right. Well, and didn’t the tailor ask why your master wants a dress-coat of such fine cloth? _Step._ No. _Pod._ Didn’t he say anything about whether your master thought of getting married? _Step._ No; he didn’t talk about it at all. _Pod._ But I suppose you told him what my position is, and where I serve? _Step._ Yes, sir. _Pod._ What did he say to that? _Step._ He said, “I’ll do my best.”