"These reflections rolled rapidly over my startled soul. The facts were
clear, the hypothesis definite, the sequence certain; there was no
ambiguity, no supposititious hinge upon which I could hang a hope; no,
not one. I could not even expect that I should be missed and sought
for; there was no one to search for me. The simple _habitans_ of the
village I had left knew me not--I was a stranger among them: they only
knew me as a stranger, and fancied me a strange individual; one who made
lonely excursions, and brought home hunches of weeds, with birds,
insects, and reptiles, which they had never before seen, although
gathered at their own doors. My absence, besides, would be nothing new
to them, even though it lasted for days: I had often been absent before,
a week at a time. There was no hope of my being missed.
"I have said that these reflections came and passed quickly. In less
than a minute, my affrighted soul was in full possession of them, and
almost yielded itself to despair. I shouted, but rather involuntarily
than with any hope that I should be heard; I shouted loudly and
fiercely: my answer--the echoes of my own voice, the shriek of the
osprey, and the maniac laugh of the white-headed eagle.
"I ceased to shout, threw my gun to the earth, and tottered down beside
it. I can imagine the feelings of a man shut up in a gloomy prison--
they are not pleasant. I have been lost upon the wild prairie--the land
sea--without bush, break, or star to guide me--that was worse. There
you look around; you see nothing; you hear nothing: you are alone with
God, and you tremble in his presence; your senses swim; your brain
reels; you are afraid of yourself; you are afraid of your own mind.
Deserted by everything else, you dread lest it, too, may forsake you.
There is horror in this--it is very horrible--it is hard to bear; but I
have borne it all, and would bear it again twenty times over rather than
endure once more the first hour I spent on that lonely islet in that
lonely lake. Your prison may be dark and silent, but you feel that you
are not utterly alone; beings like yourself are near, though they be
your jailers. Lost on the prairie, you are alone; but you are free. In
the islet, I felt that I was alone; that I was not free: in the islet I
experienced the feelings of the prairie and the prison combined.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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