Something left my mind and with it went _desire_. All desire for all
women. The erotic ardor drained from my mind, floated away and vanished
completely. Somehow, I knew the emotion had departed forever. I would
never be attracted to a woman again as long as I lived.
Compassion vanished as well. For a brief moment, I had felt sorry for
myself but even as I experienced the emotion, I could feel it draining
from my body like water through a sieve. All compassion for the
living--and the dead.
Sadness departed next and I knew I could never feel sad about
_anything_ again. I would be incapable of sorrow. My wife and children
could die and I would not grieve.
It rained--beat against the roof and windows and splashed on the
driveway outside the cabin.
Fear drifted away from my brain. Fear of all things--even of pain and
death. Fear of the unknown. I would never again be afraid of anything.
And because of that, for the briefest instant, I felt _proud_. Then
pride itself slipped from my mental fingers, and a numbness took its
place.
One by one, my human emotions slipped away into the dark night to some
unknown, unimaginable destination. I could feel them going one by one:
little emotions, and big, overpowering ones, and some so elusive they
seemed scarcely emotions at all.
I tried to rise from the chair and discovered that my legs had become
paralyzed, useless. Hate grew within me like a raging inferno. Anger at
the unknown thing that was stealing my most precious possessions.
The rain stopped.
I wasn’t angry anymore.
_Joy_ was the last to go, and its departure became an eternity of
pain. It was like swimming through an endless sea of broken glass. I
wanted to scream, but something wouldn’t let me. Hours flew by like the
passing of seconds.
Dawn came, and I still sat in the chair, staring at the woman on the
bed.
The paralysis of my legs ended abruptly. Almira arose, dressed and
smiled at me as she started for the door. I followed her.
“Will you explain?” I begged, clutching desperately at her arm.
She turned and studied my face while a smile trembled at the corners
of her mouth. Then the smiled vanished. Her face changed visibly, and
tears glistened on her smooth cheeks. I thought: _She looks like a
woman who has shot a rabbit and is glad. Glad. And then, she goes to
the rabbit, and looks into its large, tormented eyes ... and cries._
She explained but not with words. We stood by the door and in my mind,
I saw a majestic city. Shining structures of metal thrust their towers
high above the clouds and their foundations deep into the ground. The
buildings were thronged with radiantly-garbed men and women, and,
everywhere in the city, there were massive, audibly droning machines a
hundred times more complex than an atomic generator.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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