When a few unconsidered trifles have been thrown out at score, to a
middle-aged business man the world is a bundle of shares and bills
receivable. To most young men it is a girl or several girls. For some
girls it is a young man. For some other people it is a church, a bar, a
coterie--for Yardly Gobion it was himself. Realizing this in every
nerve, for the next few weeks he devoted himself to making acquaintances
and impressions.
He did no writing beyond his weekly contribution to _The Pilgrim_, but
went abroad and looked around, making himself a niche before he essayed
anything further. He managed to get about to one or two rather decent
houses, and greatly consolidated his position at the "copy shop." His
idea was to keep quiet till Sturtevant came up to town, for he thought
that very little could stand against such a combination. Accordingly he
had a pleasant time for the next few weeks. His work did not take him
more than four hours a day, and now that his circle of acquaintance was
so much enlarged there was always plenty of amusement. He could always
enjoy the small change of transient emotion by a visit to the church at
Pimlico, where in the lonely services he felt (sometimes for nearly an
hour) a sorrow at his life and a yearning for goodness.
His mental attitude on these occasions was a strange one, and one only
found in people possessing the artistic temperament; for he seemed to
stand aloof, and mourn over the grossness of some dear friend; he could
detach his mind from his own personality, and feel an awful pity for his
own dying soul. Then after these luxurious abandonments, these
delightful lapses into religious sentimentality, he would seize on
pleasure as a monkey seizes on a nut, finding an added zest in the
pursuit of dissipation. One thing in some small degree he noticed, and
that was that this alternation of attitude was slightly weakening his
powers of taste. The sharpest edge of enjoyment seemed blunted.
One night, about a month after his arrival in town, he dined out in
Chelsea with some friends, driving back to his rooms about eleven
o'clock, very much in love with himself. On this particular evening he
had not tried to be smart or clever. There had been several other
ultra-modern young men there; and seeing that the hostess--a charming
person--was wearied of their modernity and smart sayings, he affected
quite another style, pleasing her by his deferential and chivalrous
manner, the simplicity of his conversation. A fresh instance of his
power always tickled his vanity, and he drove home down the Strand, his
soul big with a hideous egoism.
He paid the driver liberally, for he was generous in all small matters,
and opening the door with his latch-key went upstairs. He entered the
room, and to his immeasurable surprise found it brilliantly lit with gas
and candles. On the table was a half-empty bottle of champagne and a
bedroom tumbler.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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