After writing a sentence or two he tore it up, as he found that he could
not produce what he wanted. Time after time he tried, and only succeeded
in being commonplace to the last degree. All his ideas of a tender
farewell, a beautiful poetic letter, seemed impossible of realization;
instead, he produced effusions which looked as if they might have been
copied from the _Family Herald_.
At last he wrote simply "Good-bye," adding his new address. He tried to
think of someone else to write to, but could not. His father he hated
and feared; there was no thrill in a letter to him. It all seemed very
flat and commonplace. These last few hours were not at all as he had
pictured to himself.
Then he went out into the Whitechapel High Street. The costermongers'
stalls, lit with flaring naphtha lamps, made the street nearly as bright
as in the day-time. The pavement was greasy to walk on, and it was
thronged by a vast crowd walking slowly up and down. The fog was
settling over the houses, and the place smelt like a stale sponge.
He wandered slowly down towards the church, picking his way among the
mob.
Coarse Jewish women with false hair shouted to one another. Girls with
high cheek-bones, smeared with red and white, caught hold of his arm,
whispering evil suggestions to him, and cursing him for a fool when he
turned away. There was a lurid glow in the air.
He stopped outside a stationer's window, gazing idly at the specimens
of invitation cards in the window.
"_Mr. and Mrs. Levenstein
Request the pleasure of your company
At the occasion of their son's circumcision._"
In the brilliant light he saw the gutters littered with decayed
vegetables, bones, and rags. Two old women stood at a corner of the
Commercial Road. He heard one of them say, "Yes, it was still-born, so
she _said_; but I 'eard it squeak before Annie come out of the room." He
passed on. A piano-organ, with a cage of bedraggled birds on the top,
struck up, the handle being turned by a boy, while his father went among
the crowd showing a smooth white stump where his hand should have been.
The door of the Free Library stood open. He went in. The room was
crowded with men standing about reading the evening papers. He walked up
and down through the rows of stands, as if looking for someone, after a
while coming out again into the street. A sailor knocked against him,
and swore at him for a "bleeding fool."
He was passing a pillar-box, when he remembered his letter to Scott, and
he posted it, hearing the hollow echo of its fall with the sense of a
curious subjective disturbance in the air around. He felt something was
by him in the noisy street, something waiting by him for the end. He
looked hastily over his shoulder, and then laughed grimly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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