Historical fiction; Russia -- Social conditions -- 1801-1917 -- Fiction
First, with a sad smile, and then with a twinkle of merriment in her
eyes, she admitted that such a storm as that of five years ago was now
quite out of the question. She said that she had long since changed her
views of things, and recognized that facts must be taken into
consideration in spite of the feelings of the heart. What was done was
done and ended, and she could not understand why Totski should still
feel alarmed.
She next turned to General Epanchin and observed, most courteously,
that she had long since known of his daughters, and that she had heard
none but good report; that she had learned to think of them with deep
and sincere respect. The idea alone that she could in any way serve
them, would be to her both a pride and a source of real happiness.
It was true that she was lonely in her present life; Totski had judged
her thoughts aright. She longed to rise, if not to love, at least to
family life and new hopes and objects, but as to Gavrila
Ardalionovitch, she could not as yet say much. She thought it must be
the case that he loved her; she felt that she too might learn to love
him, if she could be sure of the firmness of his attachment to herself;
but he was very young, and it was a difficult question to decide. What
she specially liked about him was that he worked, and supported his
family by his toil.
She had heard that he was proud and ambitious; she had heard much that
was interesting of his mother and sister, she had heard of them from
Mr. Ptitsin, and would much like to make their acquaintance,
but—another question!—would they like to receive her into their house?
At all events, though she did not reject the idea of this marriage, she
desired not to be hurried. As for the seventy-five thousand roubles,
Mr. Totski need not have found any difficulty or awkwardness about the
matter; she quite understood the value of money, and would, of course,
accept the gift. She thanked him for his delicacy, however, but saw no
reason why Gavrila Ardalionovitch should not know about it.
She would not marry the latter, she said, until she felt persuaded that
neither on his part nor on the part of his family did there exist any
sort of concealed suspicions as to herself. She did not intend to ask
forgiveness for anything in the past, which fact she desired to be
known. She did not consider herself to blame for anything that had
happened in former years, and she thought that Gavrila Ardalionovitch
should be informed as to the relations which had existed between
herself and Totski during the last five years. If she accepted this
money it was not to be considered as indemnification for her misfortune
as a young girl, which had not been in any degree her own fault, but
merely as compensation for her ruined life.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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