Historical fiction; Russia -- Social conditions -- 1801-1917 -- Fiction
“My fate is to be decided today” (it ran), “you know how. This day I
must give my word irrevocably. I have no right to ask your help, and I
dare not allow myself to indulge in any hopes; but once you said just
one word, and that word lighted up the night of my life, and became the
beacon of my days. Say one more such word, and save me from utter ruin.
Only tell me, ‘break off the whole thing!’ and I will do so this very
day. Oh! what can it cost you to say just this one word? In doing so
you will but be giving me a sign of your sympathy for me, and of your
pity; only this, only this; nothing more, _nothing_. I dare not indulge
in any hope, because I am unworthy of it. But if you say but this word,
I will take up my cross again with joy, and return once more to my
battle with poverty. I shall meet the storm and be glad of it; I shall
rise up with renewed strength.
“Send me back then this one word of sympathy, only sympathy, I
swear to you; and oh! do not be angry with the audacity of despair,
with the drowning man who has dared to make this last effort to
save himself from perishing beneath the waters.
“G.L.”
“This man assures me,” said Aglaya, scornfully, when the prince had
finished reading the letter, “that the words ‘break off everything’ do
not commit me to anything whatever; and himself gives me a written
guarantee to that effect, in this letter. Observe how ingenuously he
underlines certain words, and how crudely he glosses over his hidden
thoughts. He must know that if he ‘broke off everything,’ _first_, by
himself, and without telling me a word about it or having the slightest
hope on my account, that in that case I should perhaps be able to
change my opinion of him, and even accept his—friendship. He must know
that, but his soul is such a wretched thing. He knows it and cannot
make up his mind; he knows it and yet asks for guarantees. He cannot
bring himself to _trust_, he wants me to give him hopes of myself
before he lets go of his hundred thousand roubles. As to the ‘former
word’ which he declares ‘lighted up the night of his life,’ he is
simply an impudent liar; I merely pitied him once. But he is audacious
and shameless. He immediately began to hope, at that very moment. I saw
it. He has tried to catch me ever since; he is still fishing for me.
Well, enough of this. Take the letter and give it back to him, as soon
as you have left our house; not before, of course.”
“And what shall I tell him by way of answer?”
“Nothing—of course! That’s the best answer. Is it the case that you are
going to live in his house?”
“Yes, your father kindly recommended me to him.”
“Then look out for him, I warn you! He won’t forgive you easily, for
taking back the letter.”
Aglaya pressed the prince’s hand and left the room. Her face was
serious and frowning; she did not even smile as she nodded good-bye to
him at the door.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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