PAGE I. BY WAY OF INTRODUCTION 1 II. A LITTLE DINNER TO SOME OLD FRIENDS 21 III. IN THE LIBRARY 43 IV. AS TO A SMALL DINNER 63 V. ON THE MAINTENANCE OF AN ATTIC 84 VI. THE IDIOT'S GARDEN 105 VII. HOUSEHOLD POETRY 125 VIII. SOME CONSIDERATION OF THE HIRED MAN 145 IX. ON SOCIAL ACCOUNTS 165 X. AS TO SANTA CLAUS 185 XI. AS TO NEW-YEAR'S DAY 205 XII. SOME DOMESTIC INTENTIONS 228 XIII. A SUBURBAN COMPLICATION 249 XIV. SOME CONSIDERATION OF THE MOTH 269 XV. SOME CONSIDERATION OF THE BURGLAR 288 XVI. CONCLUSION 301 ILLUSTRATIONS PAGE JOHN KENDRICK BANGS _Frontispiece_ "POSSESSED A LIBRARY OF FIRST EDITIONS" 5 "'THEY NEVER HAD THE FUN OF BUYING THEM'" 9 "'GUARANTEED TO HANG ONTO A GARMENT IN A GALE'" 13 "'AND SOME PEOPLE SAY WAGNER IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT'" 17 "TOMMY AND MOLLIE GAVE THE COOK A GREAT DEAL OF TROUBLE" 23 "'LET THE FATHERS LOOK AFTER THE CHILDREN AT NIGHT'" 29 "A LITTLE FIGURE CLAD IN WHITE" 35 "'I'D RATHER BE SPANKED THAN NOT NOTICED AT ALL'" 39 "'I DID NOT SMOKE UNTIL I WAS FIFTY'" 45 "'SMOKING KEEPS INSECTS FROM THE PLANTS'" 49 "THE BIBLIOMANIAC WAS INVESTIGATING THE CONTENTS OF THE LOWER SHELVES" 53 "'I PREFERRED TO PAY THE $49.50'" 57 "THE COOK HAD TAKEN WINGS ONTO HERSELF" 65 "'TWO BIG BOXES OF POTATOES, A CAN OF FRENCH PEASE, AND A BOTTLE OF SARSAPARILLA'" 69 "'THE PEOPLE DOWN-STAIRS BORROWED OUR DINING-ROOM CHAIRS'" 75 "'WHO WAS IT?' ASKED MRS. IDIOT" 79 "'I SET OFF A GIANT CRACKER UNDER HIS CHAIR'" 87 "'WOULD HANG THAT PORTRAIT UPON THE WALL OF MY BEDROOM'" 91 "'STARTED TO PREACH WITH THE RECIPE FOR A WASHINGTON PIE'" 95 "'A LITTLE BUNDLE OF MY OWN LETTERS'" 101