"Not unless idleness is a great boon," retorted the Idiot. "Half the
hired men I know would be utterly out of employment if they couldn't
lean over a fence and talk to somebody. Leaning over a fence and talking
to somebody forms seventy-five per cent. of the hired man's daily labor.
He seems to think that is what he is paid for. Still, any one who
objects could very easily remedy the conversational detail in so far as
it goes on over the fence."
"By the use of barbed wire, I presume," suggested Mr. Pedagog.
"By something far more subtle and delicately suggestive," rejoined the
Idiot. "Hired men do not mind barbed-wire fences. They rather like them
when they annoy other people. When they annoy themselves they know how
to treat them. My own man Mike, for instance, minds them not at all.
Indeed, he has taken my pruning-shears and clipped all the barbs off the
small stretch of it we had at the rear end of our lot to keep him from
climbing over for a short cut home."
"With what result?" asked Mr. Brief.
[Illustration: "'AN ELECTRIC NOTICE TO QUIT'"]
"With the result that I had to buy a new pair of pruning-shears," said
the Idiot. "My Anti-Over-the-Fence-Gabber," he continued, "would involve
certain complex details, but it would work. I should have an electric
battery connected with the upper cable of the fence, and an operator
stationed inside of the house, close to a key which would send some
six hundred or seven hundred volts through the cable whenever needed.
Then if I felt that Jimpsonberry's man was interfering with my
laundress, as soon as he leaned over the fence I'd have the operator
send him an electric notice to quit."
"A message?" said Mr. Pedagog.
"No, a plain shock. Two hundred volts as a starter, three hundred as a
reminder, and the full seven hundred if necessary to make the hint
plainer."
"That would be cruel," observed Mrs. Pedagog.
"Not wholly," said the Idiot. "It would be an advantage to the man
himself in one way. Hired men have too little electricity in their
systems, Mrs. Pedagog. If Jimpsonberry's man, for instance, would take
all the electricity I'd give him and apply it to his work,
Jimpsonberry's unpulled dandelions would not be such a constant menace
to my lawn. I compel Mike to weed out my lawn every spring and autumn,
but Jimpsonberry doesn't attend to his at all. He doesn't sleep on it,
and so doesn't bother about it. Consequently, when his dandelions go to
seed the seed is blown over into my grass, and every year I get an
uninvited crop, which at a dollar a thousand would make me a
millionaire."
"Why don't you apply your inventive genius to the discovery of a
seedless dandelion?" asked the Lawyer. "It seems to me that would be the
best solution of the dandelion problem."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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