The Idle Thoughts of an Idle FellowJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English essays; English wit and humor
Being poor is a mere trifle. It is being known to be poor that is the
sting. It is not cold that makes a man without a great-coat hurry along
so quickly. It is not all shame at telling lies--which he knows will
not be believed--that makes him turn so red when he informs you that
he considers great-coats unhealthy and never carries an umbrella on
principle. It is easy enough to say that poverty is no crime. No; if
it were men wouldn't be ashamed of it. It's a blunder, though, and is
punished as such. A poor man is despised the whole world over; despised
as much by a Christian as by a lord, as much by a demagogue as by a
footman, and not all the copy-book maxims ever set for ink stained youth
will make him respected. Appearances are everything, so far as human
opinion goes, and the man who will walk down Piccadilly arm in arm with
the most notorious scamp in London, provided he is a well-dressed one,
will slink up a back street to say a couple of words to a seedy-looking
gentleman. And the seedy-looking gentleman knows this--no one
better--and will go a mile round to avoid meeting an acquaintance. Those
that knew him in his prosperity need never trouble themselves to look
the other way. He is a thousand times more anxious that they should not
see him than they can be; and as to their assistance, there is nothing
he dreads more than the offer of it. All he wants is to be forgotten;
and in this respect he is generally fortunate enough to get what he
wants.
One becomes used to being hard up, as one becomes used to everything
else, by the help of that wonderful old homeopathic doctor, Time. You
can tell at a glance the difference between the old hand and the novice;
between the case-hardened man who has been used to shift and struggle
for years and the poor devil of a beginner striving to hide his misery,
and in a constant agony of fear lest he should be found out. Nothing
shows this difference more clearly than the way in which each will pawn
his watch. As the poet says somewhere: "True ease in pawning comes from
art, not chance." The one goes into his "uncle's" with as much composure
as he would into his tailor's--very likely with more. The assistant is
even civil and attends to him at once, to the great indignation of the
lady in the next box, who, however, sarcastically observes that she
don't mind being kept waiting "if it is a regular customer." Why, from
the pleasant and businesslike manner in which the transaction is carried
out, it might be a large purchase in the three per cents. Yet what a
piece of work a man makes of his first "pop." A boy popping his first
question is confidence itself compared with him. He hangs about outside
the shop until he has succeeded in attracting the attention of all the
loafers in the neighborhood and has aroused strong suspicions in the
mind of the policeman on the beat. At last, after a careful examination
of the contents of the windows, made for the purpose of impressing the
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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