The Idle Thoughts of an Idle FellowJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English essays; English wit and humor
I am afraid I have somewhat belied half the dear old lady's prophecy.
Heaven help me! I have done a good many things that I ought not to have
done, in spite of my laziness. But I have fully confirmed the accuracy
of her judgment so far as neglecting much that I ought not to have
neglected is concerned. Idling always has been my strong point. I take
no credit to myself in the matter--it is a gift. Few possess it. There
are plenty of lazy people and plenty of slow-coaches, but a genuine
idler is a rarity. He is not a man who slouches about with his hands in
his pockets. On the contrary, his most startling characteristic is that
he is always intensely busy.
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of
work to do. There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to
do. Wasting time is merely an occupation then, and a most exhausting
one. Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.
Many years ago, when I was a young man, I was taken very ill--I never
could see myself that much was the matter with me, except that I had
a beastly cold. But I suppose it was something very serious, for the
doctor said that I ought to have come to him a month before, and that
if it (whatever it was) had gone on for another week he would not have
answered for the consequences. It is an extraordinary thing, but I
never knew a doctor called into any case yet but what it transpired
that another day's delay would have rendered cure hopeless. Our medical
guide, philosopher, and friend is like the hero in a melodrama--he
always comes upon the scene just, and only just, in the nick of time. It
is Providence, that is what it is.
Well, as I was saying, I was very ill and was ordered to Buxton for a
month, with strict injunctions to do nothing whatever all the while
that I was there. "Rest is what you require," said the doctor, "perfect
rest."
It seemed a delightful prospect. "This man evidently understands my
complaint," said I, and I pictured to myself a glorious time--a four
weeks' _dolce far niente_ with a dash of illness in it. Not too much
illness, but just illness enough--just sufficient to give it the flavor
of suffering and make it poetical. I should get up late, sip chocolate,
and have my breakfast in slippers and a dressing-gown. I should lie out
in the garden in a hammock and read sentimental novels with a melancholy
ending, until the books should fall from my listless hand, and I should
recline there, dreamily gazing into the deep blue of the firmament,
watching the fleecy clouds floating like white-sailed ships across
its depths, and listening to the joyous song of the birds and the low
rustling of the trees. Or, on becoming too weak to go out of doors,
I should sit propped up with pillows at the open window of the
ground-floor front, and look wasted and interesting, so that all the
pretty girls would sigh as they passed by.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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