The Idle Thoughts of an Idle FellowJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English essays; English wit and humor
There are various ways of flattering, and, of course, you must adapt
your style to your subject. Some people like it laid on with a trowel,
and this requires very little art. With sensible persons, however, it
needs to be done very delicately, and more by suggestion than actual
words. A good many like it wrapped up in the form of an insult, as--"Oh,
you are a perfect fool, you are. You would give your last sixpence to
the first hungry-looking beggar you met;" while others will swallow it
only when administered through the medium of a third person, so that if
C wishes to get at an A of this sort, he must confide to A's particular
friend B that he thinks A a splendid fellow, and beg him, B, not to
mention it, especially to A. Be careful that B is a reliable man,
though, otherwise he won't.
Those fine, sturdy John Bulls who "hate flattery, sir," "Never let
anybody get over me by flattery," etc., etc., are very simply managed.
Flatter them enough upon their absence of vanity, and you can do what
you like with them.
After all, vanity is as much a virtue as a vice. It is easy to recite
copy-book maxims against its sinfulness, but it is a passion that can
move us to good as well as to evil. Ambition is only vanity ennobled. We
want to win praise and admiration--or fame as we prefer to name it--and
so we write great books, and paint grand pictures, and sing sweet songs;
and toil with willing hands in study, loom, and laboratory.
We wish to become rich men, not in order to enjoy ease and comfort--all
that any one man can taste of those may be purchased anywhere for 200
pounds per annum--but that our houses may be bigger and more gaudily
furnished than our neighbors'; that our horses and servants may be
more numerous; that we may dress our wives and daughters in absurd
but expensive clothes; and that we may give costly dinners of which we
ourselves individually do not eat a shilling's worth. And to do this we
aid the world's work with clear and busy brain, spreading commerce among
its peoples, carrying civilization to its remotest corners.
Do not let us abuse vanity, therefore. Rather let us use it. Honor
itself is but the highest form of vanity. The instinct is not confined
solely to Beau Brummels and Dolly Vardens. There is the vanity of the
peacock and the vanity of the eagle. Snobs are vain. But so, too, are
heroes. Come, oh! my young brother bucks, let us be vain together. Let
us join hands and help each other to increase our vanity. Let us be
vain, not of our trousers and hair, but of brave hearts and working
hands, of truth, of purity, of nobility. Let us be too vain to stoop
to aught that is mean or base, too vain for petty selfishness and
little-minded envy, too vain to say an unkind word or do an unkind act.
Let us be vain of being single-hearted, upright gentlemen in the
midst of a world of knaves. Let us pride ourselves upon thinking high
thoughts, achieving great deeds, living good lives.
ON GETTING ON IN THE WORLD.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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