The Idle Thoughts of an Idle FellowJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English essays; English wit and humor
A motley throng--a motley throng! Prince and beggar, sinner and saint,
butcher and baker and candlestick maker, tinkers and tailors, and
plowboys and sailors--all jostling along together. Here the counsel
in his wig and gown, and here the old Jew clothes-man under his dingy
tiara; here the soldier in his scarlet, and here the undertaker's mute
in streaming hat-band and worn cotton gloves; here the musty scholar
fumbling his faded leaves, and here the scented actor dangling his showy
seals. Here the glib politician crying his legislative panaceas, and
here the peripatetic Cheap-Jack holding aloft his quack cures for human
ills. Here the sleek capitalist and there the sinewy laborer; here
the man of science and here the shoe-back; here the poet and here
the water-rate collector; here the cabinet minister and there the
ballet-dancer. Here a red-nosed publican shouting the praises of his
vats and there a temperance lecturer at 50 pounds a night; here a judge
and there a swindler; here a priest and there a gambler. Here a jeweled
duchess, smiling and gracious; here a thin lodging-house keeper,
irritable with cooking; and here a wabbling, strutting thing, tawdry in
paint and finery.
Cheek by cheek they struggle onward. Screaming, cursing, and praying,
laughing, singing, and moaning, they rush past side by side. Their speed
never slackens, the race never ends. There is no wayside rest for them,
no halt by cooling fountains, no pause beneath green shades. On, on,
on--on through the heat and the crowd and the dust--on, or they will
be trampled down and lost--on, with throbbing brain and tottering
limbs--on, till the heart grows sick, and the eyes grow blurred, and a
gurgling groan tells those behind they may close up another space.
And yet, in spite of the killing pace and the stony track, who but
the sluggard or the dolt can hold aloof from the course? Who--like the
belated traveler that stands watching fairy revels till he snatches and
drains the goblin cup and springs into the whirling circle--can view the
mad tumult and not be drawn into its midst? Not I, for one. I confess to
the wayside arbor, the pipe of contentment, and the lotus-leaves
being altogether unsuitable metaphors. They sounded very nice and
philosophical, but I'm afraid I am not the sort of person to sit in
arbors smoking pipes when there is any fun going on outside. I think
I more resemble the Irishman who, seeing a crowd collecting, sent his
little girl out to ask if there was going to be a row--"'Cos, if so,
father would like to be in it."
I love the fierce strife. I like to watch it. I like to hear of people
getting on in it--battling their way bravely and fairly--that is, not
slipping through by luck or trickery. It stirs one's old Saxon fighting
blood like the tales of "knights who fought 'gainst fearful odds" that
thrilled us in our school-boy days.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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