The Idle Thoughts of an Idle FellowJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English essays; English wit and humor
Ah! how delicious it is to turn over and go to sleep again: "just for
five minutes." Is there any human being, I wonder, besides the hero of
a Sunday-school "tale for boys," who ever gets up willingly? There
are some men to whom getting up at the proper time is an utter
impossibility. If eight o'clock happens to be the time that they should
turn out, then they lie till half-past. If circumstances change and
half-past eight becomes early enough for them, then it is nine before
they can rise. They are like the statesman of whom it was said that he
was always punctually half an hour late. They try all manner of schemes.
They buy alarm-clocks (artful contrivances that go off at the wrong time
and alarm the wrong people). They tell Sarah Jane to knock at the door
and call them, and Sarah Jane does knock at the door and does call them,
and they grunt back "awri" and then go comfortably to sleep again. I
knew one man who would actually get out and have a cold bath; and even
that was of no use, for afterward he would jump into bed again to warm
himself.
I think myself that I could keep out of bed all right if I once got
out. It is the wrenching away of the head from the pillow that I find so
hard, and no amount of over-night determination makes it easier. I say
to myself, after having wasted the whole evening, "Well, I won't do
any more work to-night; I'll get up early to-morrow morning;" and I am
thoroughly resolved to do so--then. In the morning, however, I feel less
enthusiastic about the idea, and reflect that it would have been much
better if I had stopped up last night. And then there is the trouble of
dressing, and the more one thinks about that the more one wants to put
it off.
It is a strange thing this bed, this mimic grave, where we stretch our
tired limbs and sink away so quietly into the silence and rest. "O bed,
O bed, delicious bed, that heaven on earth to the weary head," as sang
poor Hood, you are a kind old nurse to us fretful boys and girls. Clever
and foolish, naughty and good, you take us all in your motherly lap and
hush our wayward crying. The strong man full of care--the sick man
full of pain--the little maiden sobbing for her faithless lover--like
children we lay our aching heads on your white bosom, and you gently
soothe us off to by-by.
Our trouble is sore indeed when you turn away and will not comfort us.
How long the dawn seems coming when we cannot sleep! Oh! those hideous
nights when we toss and turn in fever and pain, when we lie, like living
men among the dead, staring out into the dark hours that drift so slowly
between us and the light. And oh! those still more hideous nights when
we sit by another in pain, when the low fire startles us every now and
then with a falling cinder, and the tick of the clock seems a hammer
beating out the life that we are watching.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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