The Idle Thoughts of an Idle FellowJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English essays; English wit and humor
I am quite ready to admit that you can find sterling merit,
honest worth, deep affection, and all such like virtues of the
roast-beef-and-plum-pudding school as much, and perhaps more, under
broadcloth and tweed as ever existed beneath silk and velvet; but the
spirit of that knightly chivalry that "rode a tilt for lady's love" and
"fought for lady's smiles" needs the clatter of steel and the rustle of
plumes to summon it from its grave between the dusty folds of tapestry
and underneath the musty leaves of moldering chronicles.
The world must be getting old, I think; it dresses so very soberly now.
We have been through the infant period of humanity, when we used to run
about with nothing on but a long, loose robe, and liked to have our feet
bare. And then came the rough, barbaric age, the boyhood of our race. We
didn't care what we wore then, but thought it nice to tattoo ourselves
all over, and we never did our hair. And after that the world grew into
a young man and became foppish. It decked itself in flowing curls and
scarlet doublets, and went courting, and bragging, and bouncing--making
a brave show.
But all those merry, foolish days of youth are gone, and we are very
sober, very solemn--and very stupid, some say--now. The world is a
grave, middle-aged gentleman in this nineteenth century, and would be
shocked to see itself with a bit of finery on. So it dresses in black
coats and trousers, and black hats, and black boots, and, dear me, it
is such a very respectable gentleman--to think it could ever have gone
gadding about as a troubadour or a knight-errant, dressed in all those
fancy colors! Ah, well! we are more sensible in this age.
Or at least we think ourselves so. It is a general theory nowadays that
sense and dullness go together.
Goodness is another quality that always goes with blackness. Very good
people indeed, you will notice, dress altogether in black, even to
gloves and neckties, and they will probably take to black shirts before
long. Medium goods indulge in light trousers on week-days, and some
of them even go so far as to wear fancy waistcoats. On the other hand,
people who care nothing for a future state go about in light suits; and
there have been known wretches so abandoned as to wear a white hat. Such
people, however, are never spoken of in genteel society, and perhaps I
ought not to have referred to them here.
By the way, talking of light suits, have you ever noticed how people
stare at you the first time you go out in a new light suit They do
not notice it so much afterward. The population of London have got
accustomed to it by the third time you wear it. I say "you," because I
am not speaking from my own experience. I do not wear such things at all
myself. As I said, only sinful people do so.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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