The Idle Thoughts of an Idle FellowJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English essays; English wit and humor
I wish, though, it were not so, and that one could be good, and
respectable, and sensible without making one's self a guy. I look in
the glass sometimes at my two long, cylindrical bags (so picturesquely
rugged about the knees), my stand-up collar and billycock hat, and
wonder what right I have to go about making God's world hideous. Then
wild and wicked thoughts come into my heart. I don't want to be good and
respectable. (I never can be sensible, I'm told; so that don't matter.)
I want to put on lavender-colored tights, with red velvet breeches and a
green doublet slashed with yellow; to have a light-blue silk cloak on my
shoulder, and a black eagle's plume waving from my hat, and a big sword,
and a falcon, and a lance, and a prancing horse, so that I might go
about and gladden the eyes of the people. Why should we all try to look
like ants crawling over a dust-heap? Why shouldn't we dress a little
gayly? I am sure if we did we should be happier. True, it is a little
thing, but we are a little race, and what is the use of our pretending
otherwise and spoiling fun? Let philosophers get themselves up like old
crows if they like. But let me be a butterfly.
Women, at all events, ought to dress prettily. It is their duty. They
are the flowers of the earth and were meant to show it up. We abuse them
a good deal, we men; but, goodness knows, the old world would be dull
enough without their dresses and fair faces. How they brighten up
every place they come into! What a sunny commotion they--relations,
of course---make in our dingy bachelor chambers! and what a delightful
litter their ribbons and laces, and gloves and hats, and parasols and
'kerchiefs make! It is as if a wandering rainbow had dropped in to pay
us a visit.
It is one of the chief charms of the summer, to my mind, the way our
little maids come out in pretty colors. I like to see the pink and blue
and white glancing between the trees, dotting the green fields, and
flashing back the sunlight. You can see the bright colors such a long
way off. There are four white dresses climbing a hill in front of my
window now. I can see them distinctly, though it is three miles away. I
thought at first they were mile-stones out for a lark. It's so nice to
be able to see the darlings a long way off. Especially if they happen to
be your wife and your mother-in-law.
Talking of fields and mile-stones reminds me that I want to say, in all
seriousness, a few words about women's boots. The women of these islands
all wear boots too big for them. They can never get a boot to fit. The
bootmakers do not keep sizes small enough.
Over and over again have I known women sit down on the top rail of a
stile and declare they could not go a step further because their boots
hurt them so; and it has always been the same complaint--too big.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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