Now there is nothing interesting in an Actor but his act and you can get it at the box office price. This season you won’t even have to form in line. If you can get a party of three to go with you you can get a rate. But I figured there was something interesting about a Critic. Why, there are scientists that spend a life time studying a Toad. Now, I might not find out as much as these Toad experts but I am going to look one of these Critics over at short range for about an hour--as Actors have got plenty of time--we are not bowing much nowadays. So I picked out the Male of the Species as they are not as venomous as the females. I picked out Ashton Stevens, principally on account of him being frail of statue and because I had seen his name one time on an Ash Can for endorsing a Wintergarden Show. Act I. DRESSING ROOM COLONIAL THEATER.--Enter Stevens made up as Critic. Gray suit, leather buttons, Black Felt Hat on upside down (same one Dick Little used to wear), middle finger of each hand calloused from knocking Actors. Smoking Pipe which is against all Theater rules, but on account of being critic managers can’t say anything. The smoking really wasn’t as bad as the Tobacco. I started in to interview him and he started in like an Actor by lying. So I stopped him right there and said: “Say, this is not a theatrical interview. I am representing the Public and I want the real dope on Critics.” Q--Where were you born? Even a Critic has to be born. A--I was born in San Francisco in 18--. Q--Never mind when you were born--the reading public can tell by your jokes how old you are. Why were you born? A--No answer. Q--Well, if you can’t think of a reason neither can I, so we will let that question go. Did Frisco ever find out that you were born there? A--Yes. Q--Is that why you left there? A--No answer. Q--When did you first show symptoms of becoming a Critic? A--When I had lost my job at everything else. Q--Didn’t you tell your folks and didn’t they have anything done for you to cure this? A--I was afraid to tell them. Q--Who gave you your first job Criticing? A--William Randolph Hearst. Q--Why did he give it to you? A--He heard me play the Banjo. Q--He heard you play the Banjo and gave you a job as a Critic. I suppose if he saw me throw a rope he would make me a Society Editor? A--Oh, but it is not for my Banjoing that he keeps me now, its for my writings. Q--Oh, he has forgot that you taught him to play the Banjo--that’s why you still work for him? A--No, its my writings. You see he took me from Frisco to New York and put me on the New York Journal. Q--Now you say he took you there as Critic. Don’t you really think he might have been getting a little rusty on the Banjo and needed it tuned? A--No, I stayed there 4 years. Q--What happened at the end of 4 years, did you all run out of Tunes, or did you break the Banjo or what? A--No; then he promoted me to Chicago.