GWENDOLEN. You have filled my tea with lumps of sugar, and though I asked most distinctly for bread and butter, you have given me cake. I am known for the gentleness of my disposition, and the extraordinary sweetness of my nature, but I warn you, Miss Cardew, you may go too far. CECILY. [Rising.] To save my poor, innocent, trusting boy from the machinations of any other girl there are no lengths to which I would not go. GWENDOLEN. From the moment I saw you I distrusted you. I felt that you were false and deceitful. I am never deceived in such matters. My first impressions of people are invariably right. CECILY. It seems to me, Miss Fairfax, that I am trespassing on your valuable time. No doubt you have many other calls of a similar character to make in the neighbourhood. [Enter Jack.] GWENDOLEN. [Catching sight of him.] Ernest! My own Ernest! JACK. Gwendolen! Darling! [Offers to kiss her.] GWENDOLEN. [Draws back.] A moment! May I ask if you are engaged to be married to this young lady? [Points to Cecily.] JACK. [Laughing.] To dear little Cecily! Of course not! What could have put such an idea into your pretty little head? GWENDOLEN. Thank you. You may! [Offers her cheek.] CECILY. [Very sweetly.] I knew there must be some misunderstanding, Miss Fairfax. The gentleman whose arm is at present round your waist is my guardian, Mr. John Worthing. GWENDOLEN. I beg your pardon? CECILY. This is Uncle Jack. GWENDOLEN. [Receding.] Jack! Oh! [Enter Algernon.] CECILY. Here is Ernest. ALGERNON. [Goes straight over to Cecily without noticing any one else.] My own love! [Offers to kiss her.] CECILY. [Drawing back.] A moment, Ernest! May I ask you—are you engaged to be married to this young lady? ALGERNON. [Looking round.] To what young lady? Good heavens! Gwendolen! CECILY. Yes! to good heavens, Gwendolen, I mean to Gwendolen. ALGERNON. [Laughing.] Of course not! What could have put such an idea into your pretty little head? CECILY. Thank you. [Presenting her cheek to be kissed.] You may. [Algernon kisses her.] GWENDOLEN. I felt there was some slight error, Miss Cardew. The gentleman who is now embracing you is my cousin, Mr. Algernon Moncrieff. CECILY. [Breaking away from Algernon.] Algernon Moncrieff! Oh! [The two girls move towards each other and put their arms round each other’s waists as if for protection.] CECILY. Are you called Algernon? ALGERNON. I cannot deny it. CECILY. Oh! GWENDOLEN. Is your name really John? JACK. [Standing rather proudly.] I could deny it if I liked. I could deny anything if I liked. But my name certainly is John. It has been John for years. CECILY. [To Gwendolen.] A gross deception has been practised on both of us. GWENDOLEN. My poor wounded Cecily! CECILY. My sweet wronged Gwendolen! GWENDOLEN. [Slowly and seriously.] You will call me sister, will you not? [They embrace. Jack and Algernon groan and walk up and down.]