The Importance of Being Earnest: A Trivial Comedy for Serious People — John Shaqi
The Importance of Being Earnest: A Trivial Comedy for Serious PeopleWilde, Oscar
Science
The Importance of Being Earnest: A Trivial Comedy for Serious People
Wilde, Oscar
Comedy plays; England -- Drama; Foundlings -- Drama; Identity (Psychology) -- Drama
LADY BRACKNELL.
[With a shiver, crossing to the sofa and sitting down.] I do not know
whether there is anything peculiarly exciting in the air of this
particular part of Hertfordshire, but the number of engagements that go
on seems to me considerably above the proper average that statistics
have laid down for our guidance. I think some preliminary inquiry on my
part would not be out of place. Mr. Worthing, is Miss Cardew at all
connected with any of the larger railway stations in London? I merely
desire information. Until yesterday I had no idea that there were any
families or persons whose origin was a Terminus. [Jack looks perfectly
furious, but restrains himself.]
JACK.
[In a clear, cold voice.] Miss Cardew is the grand-daughter of the late
Mr. Thomas Cardew of 149 Belgrave Square, S.W.; Gervase Park, Dorking,
Surrey; and the Sporran, Fifeshire, N.B.
LADY BRACKNELL.
That sounds not unsatisfactory. Three addresses always inspire
confidence, even in tradesmen. But what proof have I of their
authenticity?
JACK.
I have carefully preserved the Court Guides of the period. They are
open to your inspection, Lady Bracknell.
LADY BRACKNELL.
[Grimly.] I have known strange errors in that publication.
JACK.
Miss Cardew’s family solicitors are Messrs. Markby, Markby, and Markby.
LADY BRACKNELL.
Markby, Markby, and Markby? A firm of the very highest position in
their profession. Indeed I am told that one of the Mr. Markby’s is
occasionally to be seen at dinner parties. So far I am satisfied.
JACK.
[Very irritably.] How extremely kind of you, Lady Bracknell! I have
also in my possession, you will be pleased to hear, certificates of
Miss Cardew’s birth, baptism, whooping cough, registration,
vaccination, confirmation, and the measles; both the German and the
English variety.
LADY BRACKNELL.
Ah! A life crowded with incident, I see; though perhaps somewhat too
exciting for a young girl. I am not myself in favour of premature
experiences. [Rises, looks at her watch.] Gwendolen! the time
approaches for our departure. We have not a moment to lose. As a matter
of form, Mr. Worthing, I had better ask you if Miss Cardew has any
little fortune?
JACK.
Oh! about a hundred and thirty thousand pounds in the Funds. That is
all. Goodbye, Lady Bracknell. So pleased to have seen you.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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