The Importance of Being Earnest: A Trivial Comedy for Serious PeopleWilde, Oscar
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The Importance of Being Earnest: A Trivial Comedy for Serious People
Wilde, Oscar
Comedy plays; England -- Drama; Foundlings -- Drama; Identity (Psychology) -- Drama
LADY BRACKNELL.
That does not seem to me to be a grave objection. Thirty-five is a very
attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest
birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for
years. Lady Dumbleton is an instance in point. To my own knowledge she
has been thirty-five ever since she arrived at the age of forty, which
was many years ago now. I see no reason why our dear Cecily should not
be even still more attractive at the age you mention than she is at
present. There will be a large accumulation of property.
CECILY.
Algy, could you wait for me till I was thirty-five?
ALGERNON.
Of course I could, Cecily. You know I could.
CECILY.
Yes, I felt it instinctively, but I couldn’t wait all that time. I hate
waiting even five minutes for anybody. It always makes me rather cross.
I am not punctual myself, I know, but I do like punctuality in others,
and waiting, even to be married, is quite out of the question.
ALGERNON.
Then what is to be done, Cecily?
CECILY.
I don’t know, Mr. Moncrieff.
LADY BRACKNELL.
My dear Mr. Worthing, as Miss Cardew states positively that she cannot
wait till she is thirty-five—a remark which I am bound to say seems to
me to show a somewhat impatient nature—I would beg of you to reconsider
your decision.
JACK.
But my dear Lady Bracknell, the matter is entirely in your own hands.
The moment you consent to my marriage with Gwendolen, I will most
gladly allow your nephew to form an alliance with my ward.
LADY BRACKNELL.
[Rising and drawing herself up.] You must be quite aware that what you
propose is out of the question.
JACK.
Then a passionate celibacy is all that any of us can look forward to.
LADY BRACKNELL.
That is not the destiny I propose for Gwendolen. Algernon, of course,
can choose for himself. [Pulls out her watch.] Come, dear, [Gwendolen
rises] we have already missed five, if not six, trains. To miss any
more might expose us to comment on the platform.
[Enter Dr. Chasuble.]
CHASUBLE.
Everything is quite ready for the christenings.
LADY BRACKNELL.
The christenings, sir! Is not that somewhat premature?
CHASUBLE.
[Looking rather puzzled, and pointing to Jack and Algernon.] Both these
gentlemen have expressed a desire for immediate baptism.
LADY BRACKNELL.
At their age? The idea is grotesque and irreligious! Algernon, I forbid
you to be baptized. I will not hear of such excesses. Lord Bracknell
would be highly displeased if he learned that that was the way in which
you wasted your time and money.
CHASUBLE.
Am I to understand then that there are to be no christenings at all
this afternoon?
JACK.
I don’t think that, as things are now, it would be of much practical
value to either of us, Dr. Chasuble.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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