Suddenly he felt a wet daub coming down each cheek. He started. He was
shedding tears. The horror of the act made him stare wild eyed. He
swore aloud. He bared his teeth of their covering of thick lips and
ground them. His youth went out like a candle that is quenched by a
squall in a long passage. The grinning spectre of the present became
real once more. He shut his mouth. He sighed very deeply. Putting his
hands in his pockets again, he walked off at his habitual slouch, with
his head hanging slightly forward, hung on the pivot of his neck like
a punchball.
“I must make a plan,” he said to himself once more.
Somehow he was convinced that the Revolutionary Organization already
suspected him of having given information concerning McPhillip. He
felt that he was being sought for already. So he must make a plan. He
must have a plausible excuse.
“If ye got a good aliby,” McPhillip used to say, “the divil himself
couldn’t fasten anythin’ on ye.”
But how was he going to get an alibi for himself? He walked the whole
length of the road three times irresolutely, with his eyes fixed on
the ground. He was unable to think of anything. His mind kept
branching off into the contemplation of silly things that had nothing
at all to do with the question, the favourite for the Grand National
and whether Johnny Grimes, the comedian, had drowned himself in the
Canal or whether he had been murdered and then thrown in; the two main
questions that were agitating the Dublin slums just then.
At one moment he decided to go to the Dunboy Lodging House, pay for a
bed and go to sleep. But immediately he was terrified at this
suggestion. They might know already that he had given information.
Then maybe, while he was asleep, somebody would be sent into his
little cell with a loaded stick to murder him in his sleep. Or they
might give him “the bum’s rush,” breaking his neck silently like a
rabbit’s neck. He pictured the little narrow wooden cells in the
lodging house, the silence of the night, broken only by the dismal
sound of snoring on all sides, an indiscriminate number of unknown
people snoring loudly, dreaming, grumbling, snoring and sleeping in
all directions, while _“they”_ approached silently to murder him.
He shuddered. Perspiration stood out on his forehead. Eagerly, with
relief, he decided to keep in the open, where he could use his hands
and his strength. If he were going to be murdered he would be murdered
with his hands gripping a dead throat.
Then at last he stood stock-still and thumped himself in the chest.
“Well, I’m damned!” he cried. “Amn’t I an awful fool? Why didn’t I
think of it before? They’ll be wonderin’ why I’m not there already.
Everybody in the town must ’a heard of it be now, an’ me that was his
pal an’ I not there to say a word to his mother. They’ll surely
suspect something if I don’t go at once.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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