The Ingoldsby Legends; or, Mirth and MarvelsIngoldsby, Thomas
General
The Ingoldsby Legends; or, Mirth and Marvels
Ingoldsby, Thomas
English fiction -- 19th century; English poetry -- 19th century; English wit and humor; Humorous poetry, English
Now comes the catastrophe!--Ashdale, who's wrapt in
The cloak, with the hat and the plume of the Captain,
Leads Violet down through the grounds to the chapel
Where Gaussen's conceal'd--he springs forward to grapple
The man he's erroneously led to suppose
Captain Norman himself by the cut of his clothes.
In the midst of their strife, And just as the knife
Of the Pirate is raised to deprive him of life,
The Captain comes forward, drawn there by the squeals
Of the Lady, and, knocking Giles head over heels,
Fractures his "nob," Saves the hangman a job,
And executes justice most strictly, the rather,
'Twas the spot where that rascal had murder'd his father.
Then in comes the mother, Who, finding one brother
Had the instant before saved the life of the other,
Explains the whole case. Ashdale puts a good face
On the matter; and, since he's obliged to give place,
Yields his coronet up with a pretty good grace;
Norman vows he won't have it--the kinsmen embrace,--
And the Captain, the first in this generous race,
To remove every handle For gossip and scandal,
Sets the whole of the papers alight with the candle;
An arrangement takes place--on the very same night, all
Is settled and done, and the points the most vital
Are, N. takes the personals;--A., in requital,
Keeps the whole real property, Mansion, and Title.--
V. falls to the share of the Captain, and tries a
Sea-voyage, as a Bride, in the "Royal Eliza."--
Both are pleased with the part they acquire as joint heirs,
And old Maurice Beevor is bundled down stairs!
MORAL.
The public, perhaps, with the drama might quarrel
If deprived of all epilogue, prologue, and moral;
This may serve for all three then:--
"Young Ladies of property,
Let Lady A.'s history serve as a stopper t'ye;
Don't wed with low people beneath your degree,
And if you've a baby, don't send it to sea!
"Young Noblemen! shun every thing like a brawl;
And be sure when you dine out, or go to a ball,
Don't take the best hat that you find in the hall,
And leave one in it's stead that's worth nothing at all!
"Old Knights, don't give bribes!--above all, never urge a man
To steal people's things, or to stick an old Clergyman!
"And you, ye Sea-Captains! who've nothing to do
But to run round the world, fight, and drink till all's blue,
And tell us tough yarns, and then swear they are true,
Reflect, notwithstanding your sea-faring life,
That you can't get on well long, without you've a wife;
So get one at once, treat her kindly and gently,
Write a nautical novel,--and send it to Bentley!"
* * * * *
FOOTNOTES:
[16]
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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