"Pooh! pooh! I tell you," Quoth the King, "It won't do!" A cold perspiration began to bedew His Majesty's cheek, and he grew in a stew, When Jozé de Humez, the King's privy-purse-keeper, (Many folks thought it could scarce have a worse keeper) Came to the rescue, and said with a smile, "Sire, your Majesty _can't_ go--'twould take a long while, And you won't post it under TWO SHILLINGS A MILE!! Twenty-seven pounds ten To get there--and then Twenty-seven pounds ten more to get back agen!!! Sire, the _tottle's_ enormous--you ought to be King Of Golconda as well as the Indies, to fling Such a vast sum away upon any such thing!" At this second rebuff The Archbishop look'd gruff, And his eye glanced on Humez as if he'd say "Stuff!" But seeing the King seem'd himself in a huff, He changed his demeanour, and grew smooth enough; Then taking his chin 'twixt his finger and thumb, As a help to reflection, gave vent to a "Hum!" 'Twas the pause of an instant--his eye assumed fast That expression which says, "Come, I've got it at last!" "There's one plan," he resumed, "which, with all due respect to Your Majesty, no one, I think, can object to-- --Since your Majesty don't like the peas in the shoe--or to Travel--what say you to burning a Jew or two?-- Of all cookeries, most The Saints love a roast! And a Jew's, of all others, the best dish to toast; And then for a Cook We have not far to look-- Father Dominic's self, Sire, your own Grand Inquisitor, Luckily now at your Court is a visitor; Of his Rev'rence's functions there is not one weightier Than Heretic-burning--in fact, 'tis his _métier_. Besides Alguazils Who still follow his heels, He has always Familiars enough at his beck at home, To pick you up Hebrews enough for a hecatomb! And depend on it, Sire, such a glorious specific Would make every Queen throughout Europe prolific!" Says the King, "That'll do! Pooh! pooh!--burn a Jew? Burn half a score Jews--burn a dozen--burn two-- Your Grace, it's a match! Burn all you can catch, Men, women, and children--Pooh! pooh!--great and small-- Old clothes--slippers--sealing-wax--Pooh!--burn them all. For once we'll be gay, A Grand _Auto-da-fé_ Is much better fun than a ball or a play!" So the warrant was made out without more delay, Drawn, seal'd, and delivered, and (Signed) YO EL RE! CANTO II.