"You _didn't_ hate me? Oh, don't say you didn't, David. Don't! It was
the only comfort I had, to have you despise me. Although that was just
at first. Afterward, last May, when you walked down to Nannie's with me
that afternoon, and I thought you had got all over it, I...something
seemed to be eating my heart away. That seems like a contradiction,
doesn't it? I don't understand how I could feel two ways. But just at
first I wanted you to hate me. I thought you would be less unhappy if
you hated me; and besides, I wanted to feel the whips. I felt them--oh,
I felt them!...And all the time I thought that soon I would die. But
death would have been too easy. I had to go on living." There was
another long silence; he kissed her hand once; but he did not speak....
"And the days went on, and went on, and went on. Sometimes I didn't
feel anything; but sometimes it was like stringing sharp beads on a
red-hot wire. I suppose that sounds foolish? But when his mother
disinherited him, I knew I would have to go on--stringing beads.
Because it would have been mean, then, to leave him. You see that,
David? Besides, I was a spoiled thing, a worthless thing. If staying
with him would make up for the harm I had done him,--Mrs. Maitland told
me I had injured him; why of course, there was nothing else to do. I
knew you would understand. So I stayed. 'Unkind to me?'" She bent
forward a little to hear his smothered question. "Oh no; never. I used
to wish he would be. But he--loved me"--she shuddered. "Oh, David, how
I have dreamed of your arms. David . . . David . . ."
They had forgotten that each had believed love had ceased in the other;
they did not even assert that it was unchanged. Nor was there any plea
for forgiveness on either side. The moment was too great for that.
She sank back in her chair with a long breath. He rose, and kneeling
beside her, drew her against his breast. She sighed with comfort.
"_Here_! At last to be here. I never thought it would be. It is heaven.
Yes; I shall remember that I have been in heaven. But I don't think I
shall be sent to hell. No; God won't punish me any more. It will be
just sleep."
He had to bend his ear almost to her white lips to catch her whisper.
"What did I say? I don't remember exactly; I am so happy. . . . Let me
be quiet a little while. I'm pretty tired. May I stay until morning? It
is raining, and if I may stay . . . I will go away very early in the
morning." The long, rambling, half-whispered story had followed the
fierce statement, flung at him when she burst in out of the storm, and
stood, sodden with rain, trembling with fatigue and cold, and pushing
from her his alarmed and outstretched hands,--the statement that she
had left Blair! There were only a few words in the outburst of terrible
anger which had been dormant in her for all these years: "He stole your
wife. Now he is stealing your money. I told him he couldn't keep them
both. Your wife has come back to you. I have left him--"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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