In the next hour or two, while the flame of the lamp still burning on
the table, whitened in the desolating morning light that crept into the
room, David Richie did not reason things out consecutively. His
thoughts came without apparent sequence; sometimes he wondered, dully,
if it were still raining; wondered how he would get a carriage in the
morning; wondered if Elizabeth was asleep; wondered if she would go
back to Blair Maitland? "No, no, no!" he said aloud; "not that; that
can't be." Yet through all this disjointed thought his eyes, cleared by
shame, saw Reason coming slowly up to explain and confirm his
conviction that, whatever Elizabeth did or did not do, for the present
he had lost her. And Reason, showing him his likeness to that other
"beast," showing him his arrogance to his mother, his cruelty to his
poor girl, his poor, pitiful Elizabeth! showed him something else: his
assertions of his intrinsic right to Elizabeth--how much of their force
was due to love for her, how much to hatred of Blair? David's habit of
corroborating his emotions by a mental process had more than once
shackled him and kept him from those divine impetuosities that add to
the danger and the richness of life; but this time the logical habit
led him inexorably into deeper depths of humiliation. It was dawn when
he saw that he had hated Blair more than he had loved Elizabeth. This
was the most intolerable revelation of all; he had actually been about
to use Love to express Hate!
Up-stairs Elizabeth had had her own vision; it was not like David's.
There was no sense of shame. There was only Love! Love, pitiful,
heart-breaking, remorseful. When David left her she sank down on the
edge of her bed and cried--not for disappointment or dread or
perplexity, not for herself, not for David, but for Helena Richie. Once
she crept across the hall and listened at the closed door. Silence.
Then she pushed it open and listened again. Oh, to go to her, to put
her arms about her, to say, "I will be good, I will do whatever you
say, I love you." But all was still except for soft, scarcely heard,
tranquil breathing. For David's mother slept.
When Elizabeth came down the next morning it was to the crackle of
flames and the smell of coffee and the sight of David scorching his
face over toasting bread. It was so unheroic that it was almost heroic,
for it meant that they could keep on the surface of life. David said,
simply, "Did you get any sleep, Elizabeth?" and she said: "Well, not
much. Here, let me make the toast; you get something for your mother."
But when she carried a little tray of food up to Mrs. Richie, and
kneeling by the bedside took the soft mother-hand in hers, she went
below the surface.
"I am going back to him," she said; and put Mrs. Richie's hand against
her lips.
David's mother gave her a long look, but she had nothing to say.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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