ENGLISH tourists in Ireland soon discover that the length of Irish miles constantly recurs to their observation; eleven Irish miles being equal to about fourteen English. A stranger one day complained of the barbarous condition of the road in a particular district; "True," said a native, "but if the quality of it be rather _infairior_, we give _good measure_ of it, anyhow." DCCLVII--BAD COMPANY. AT the time that the bubble schemes were _flourishing_, in 1825, Mr. Abernethy met some friends who had risked large sums of money in one of those fraudulent speculations; they informed him that they were going to partake of a most sumptuous dinner, the expenses of which would be defrayed by the company. "If I am not very much deceived," replied he, "you will have nothing but _bubble and squeak_ in a short time." DCCLVIII.--EPIGRAM. (On the King's double dealing.) OF such a paradox as this, Before I never dreamt; The King of England has become, A _subject_ of contempt!!! DCCLIX.--PAINTING. A GENTLEMAN seeing a fine painting representing a man playing on the lute, paid this high compliment to the artist. "When I look on that painting I think myself _deaf_." DCCLX.--NIL NISI, ETC. A GENTLEMAN calling for beer at another gentleman's table, finding it very bad, declined drinking it. "What!" said the master of the house, "don't you like the beer?"--"It is not to be found fault with," answered the other; "for one should never speak ill of the _dead_." DCCLXI.--ODD FORESIGHT. LADY MARGARET HERBERT asked somebody for a _pretty_ pattern for a nightcap. "Well," said the person, "what signifies the pattern of a nightcap?"--"O! child," said she, "you know, in _case of fire_!" DCCLXII.--"THEREBY HANGS," ETC. A CERTAIN Irish judge, called the Hanging Judge, and who had never been known to shed a tear except when _Macheath_, in the "Beggar's Opera," got his reprieve, once said to Curran, "Pray, Mr. Curran, is that hung beef beside you? If it is, I will try it."--"If you try it, my lord," replied Curran, "it's sure _to be hung_." DCCLXIII.--GENERAL WOLFE. GENERAL WOLFE invited a Scotch officer to dine with him; the same day he was also invited by some brother officers. "You must excuse me," said he to them; "I am already engaged to Wolfe." A smart young ensign observed, he might as well have expressed himself with more respect, and said _General_ Wolfe. "Sir," said the Scotch officer, with great promptitude, "we never say _General_ Alexander, or _General_ Caesar." Wolfe, who was within hearing, by a low bow to the Scotch officer, acknowledged the pleasure he felt at the high compliment. DCCLXIV.--A QUESTION FOR THE PEERAGE.