CRIES Sylvia to a Reverend Dean, "What reason can be given, Since marriage is a holy thing, That there are none in Heaven?" "There are no women," he replied. She quick returns the jest,-- "Women there are, but I'm afraid They cannot find a priest." DCCLXXXI.--AN ARTISTIC TOUCH. WHEN Moore was getting his portrait painted by Newton, Sydney Smith, who accompanied the poet, said to the artist, "Couldn't you contrive to throw into his face somewhat of a stronger expression of _hostility_ to the Church Establishment?" DCCLXXXII.--VALUE OF APPLAUSE. SOME one remarked to Mrs. Siddons that applause was necessary to actors, as it gave them confidence. "More," replied the actress; "it gives us _breath_." DCCLXXXIII.--LITTLE TO GIVE. A STINGY husband threw off the blame of the rudeness of his children in company, by saying that his wife always "Gives them their own way."--"Poor things!" was the prompt response, "it's _all_ I have to _give them_." DCCLXXXIV.--A GOOD SWIMMER. A FOOLISH scholar having almost been drowned in his first attempt at swimming, vowed that he would never _enter_ the water again until he was a complete master of the art. [A similar story is told of a pedant by Hierocles.] DCCLXXXV.--NO PRIDE. A DENIZEN of the good city of St. Andrews, long desirous of being elected deacon of his craft, after many years of scheming and bowing, at last attained the acme of his ambition, and while the oaths of office were being administered to him, a number of waggish friends waited outside to "trot him out," but the sequel convinced them this was unnecessary. On emerging from the City Hall, with thumbs stuck in the armlets of his vest, with head erect, and solemn step, he approached his friends, lifting up his voice and saying, "Now, billies, _supposing_ I'm a deacon, mind, I can be _spoken_ to at ony time." DCCLXXXVI.--LORD CLONMEL. THE late Lord Clonmel, who never thought of demanding more than a shilling for an affidavit, used to be well satisfied, provided it was a _good one_. In his time the Birmingham shillings were current, and he used the following extraordinary precautions to avoid being imposed upon by taking a bad one: "You shall true answer make to such questions as shall be demanded of you touching this affidavit, so help you, &c. _Is this a good shilling?_ Are the contents of this affidavit true? Is this your name and handwriting?" DCCLXXXVII.--QUEER PARTNERS. JERROLD, at a party, noticed a doctor in solemn black waltzing with a young lady who was dressed in a silk of brilliant blue. "As I live! there's a blue pill dancing with a black draught!" said Jerrold. DCCLXXXVIII.--CORRUPTLY INCORRUPTIBLE.