"THIS morning, quite dead, Tom was found in his bed, Although he was hearty last night; 'Tis thought having seen Dr. Glynn in a dream, The poor fellow died of affright." DCCCXXXVII.--A SINECURE. ONE Patrick Maguire had been appointed to a situation the reverse of a place of all work; and his friends, who called to congratulate him, were very much astonished to see his face lengthened on the receipt of the news. "A sinecure is it?" exclaimed Pat. "Sure I know what a _sinecure_ is: it's a place where there's _nothing to do_, and they _pay you by the piece_." DCCCXXXVIII.--A GOOD JAIL DELIVERY. BROTHER DAVID DEWAR was a plain, honest, straightforward man, who never hesitated to express his convictions, however unpalatable they might be to others. Being elected a member of the Prison Board, he was called upon to give his vote in the choice of a chaplain from the licentiates of the Established Kirk. The party who had gained the confidence of the Board had proved rather an indifferent preacher in a charge to which he had previously been appointed; and on David being asked to signify his assent to the choice of the Board, he said, "Weel, I've no objections to the man, for I understand he preached _a kirk toom_ (empty) already, and if he be as successful _in the jail_, he'll maybe preach it vawcant as weel." DCCCXXXIX.--WHERE IS THE AUDIENCE? THE manager of a country theatre looked into the house between the acts, and turned with a face of dismay to the prompter, with the question of, "Why, good gracious, where's the audience?"--"Sir," replied the prompter, without moving a muscle, "he is just now gone to get some beer." The manager wiped the perspiration from his brow and said, "Will he _return_ do you think?"--"Most certainly; he expresses himself highly satisfied with the play, and applauded as one man."--"_Then let business proceed_," exclaimed the manager, proudly; and it did proceed. DCCCXL.--KNOWING BEST. "I WISH, reverend father," said Curran to Father O'Leary, "that you were St. Peter, and had the keys of heaven, because then you could let me in."--"By my honor and conscience," replied O'Leary, "it would be better for you that I had the keys of the _other_ place, for then I could let _you out_." DCCCXLI.--AGRICULTURAL EXPERIENCES. THE late Bishop Blomfield, when a Suffolk clergyman, asked a school-boy what was meant in the Catechism by _succoring_ his father and mother. "_Giving on 'em milk_," was the prompt reply. DCCCXLII.--PARLIAMENTARY REPRIMAND. IN the reign of George II., Mr. Crowle, a counsel of some eminence, was summoned to the bar of the House of Commons to receive a reprimand from the Speaker, on his knees. As he rose from the ground, with the utmost _nonchalance_ he took out his handkerchief, and, wiping his knees, cooly observed, "that it was the _dirtiest_ house he had ever been in in his life." DCCCXLIII.--A STOP WATCH.