TWO gentlemen having a difference, one went to the other's door and wrote "Scoundrel!" upon it. The other called upon his neighbor, and was answered by a servant that his master was not at home. "No matter," was the reply; "I only wished to return his visit, as he _left his name_ at my door in the morning." DCCCXCIII.--THE WHEEL OF FORTUNE. JEKYLL saw in Colman's chambers a squirrel in the usual round cage. "Ah! poor devil," said Jekyll, "he's going the _Home Circuit_." DCCCXCIV.--A SOPORIFIC. A SPENDTHRIFT being sold up, Foote, who attended every day, bought nothing but a pillow; on which a gentleman asked him, "What particular use he could have for a single pillow?"--"Why," said Foote, "I do not sleep very well at night, and I am sure this must give me many a good nap, when the proprietor of it (though he _owed so much_) could sleep upon it." DCCCXCV.--CHARITABLE WIT. WIT in an influential form was displayed by the Quaker gentleman soliciting subscription for a distressed widow, for whom everybody expressed the greatest sympathy. "Well," said he, "everybody declares he is sorry for her; I am truly sorry--I am sorry five pounds. How much art thou sorry, friend? and thou? and thou?" He was very successful, as may be supposed. One of those to whom the case was described said he _felt_ very much, indeed, for the poor widow. "But hast thou felt in thy pocket?" inquired the "Friend." DCCCXCVI.--USE IS SECOND NATURE. A TAILOR that was ever accustomed to steal some of the cloth his customer brought, when he came one day to make himself a suit, stole half-a-yard. His wife perceiving it, asked the reason; "Oh," said he, "it is to _keep_ my hands in use, lest at any time I should _forget it_." DCCCXCVII.--EPIGRAM. (On a certain M.P.'s indisposition.) HASTE son of Celsus, P--rc--v--l is ill; Dissect an ass before you try your skill. DCCCXCVIII.--LIQUID REMEDY FOR BALDNESS. USE brandy externally until the hair grows, and then take it internally to _clinch the roots_. DCCCXCIX.--AN INGENIOUS DEVICE. THE Irish girl told her forbidden lover she was longing to possess his portrait, and intended to obtain it. "But how if your friends see it?" inquired he. "Ah, but I'll tell the artist _not_ to make it _like you_, so they won't know it." CM.--THE REBEL LORDS. AT the trial of the rebel lords, George Selwyn, seeing Bethel's sharp visage looking wistfully at the prisoners, said, "What a shame it is to turn her face to the prisoners, until they are condemned!" Some women were scolding Selwyn for going to see the execution, and asked him how he could be such a barbarian to see the head cut off? "Nay," replied he, "if that was such a crime, I am sure I have made amends; for I went to see it sewed on again."