ADMIRAL LORD HOWE, when a captain, was once hastily awakened in the middle of the night by the lieutenant of the watch, who informed him with great agitation that the ship was on fire near the magazine. "If that be the case," said he, rising leisurely to put on his clothes, "we shall soon know it." The lieutenant flew back to the scene of danger, and almost instantly returning, exclaimed, "You need not, sir, be afraid, the fire is extinguished."--"Afraid!" exclaimed Howe, "what do you mean by that, sir? I never was afraid in my life"; and looking the lieutenant full in the face, he added, "Pray, how does a man feel, sir, when he is afraid? I need not ask how _he looks_." MCCLXXVIII.--RATHER ETHEREAL. DR. JOHN WILKINS wrote a work in the reign of Charles II., to show the possibility of making a voyage to the moon. The Duchess of Newcastle, who was likewise notorious for her vagrant speculations, said to him, "Doctor, where am I to bait at in the _upward_ journey?"--"My lady," replied the doctor, "of all the people in the world, I never expected that question from you; who have built so many _castles in the air_ that you might lie every night at one of _your own_." MCCLXXIX.--HENRY VIII. THIS monarch, after the death of Jane Seymour, had some difficulty to get another wife. His first offer was to the Duchess Dowager of Milan; but her answer was, "She had but _one_ head; if she had _two_, one should have been at his service." MCCLXXX.--MELODRAMATIC HIT. BURKE'S was a complete failure, when he flung the dagger on the floor of the House of Commons, and produced nothing but a smothered laugh, and a joke from Sheridan.--"The gentleman has brought us the _knife_, but where is the _fork_?" MCCLXXXI.--A LONG ILLNESS. A CLERGYMAN in the country taking his text from the fourteenth verse of the third chapter of St. Matthew: "And Peter's wife's mother lay sick of a fever," preached three Sundays on the same subject. Soon after, two country fellows going across a churchyard, and hearing the bell toll, one asked the other who it was for? "I can't exactly tell," replied he; "but it may be for Peter's wife's mother, for she has been sick of a fever _these three weeks_." MCCLXXXII.--DIALOGUE IN THE WESTERN ISLANDS OF SCOTLAND. "HOW long is this loch?" "It will be about twanty mile." "Twenty miles! surely it cannot be so much?" "Maybe it will be twelve." "It does not really seem more than four." "Indeed, I'm thinking you're right." "Really, you seem to know nothing about the matter." "Troth, I _canna say I do_." MCCLXXXIII.--WHAT'S IN A NAME? SOON after Lord ----'s elevation to the peerage, he remarked that authors were often very ridiculous in the _titles_ they gave. "That," said a distinguished writer present, "is an error from which even sovereigns appear _not to be exempt_." MCCLXXXIV.--TILLOTSON.