IN an Irish paper was an advertisement for horses to stand at livery, on the following terms:-- Long-tailed horses, at 3s. 6d. per week. Short-tailed horses at 3s. per week. On inquiry into the cause of the difference, it was answered, that the horses with long tails could brush the flies off their backs while eating, whereas the short-tailed horses were obliged to take their heads _from the manger_. MCCCVI.--INADVERTENCE AND EPICURISM. WHEN the Duke of Wellington was at Paris, as Commander of the Allied Armies, he was invited to dine with Cambaceres, one of the most distinguished statesmen and _gourmets_ of the time of Napoleon. In the course of dinner, his host having helped him to some particularly _recherche_ dish, expressed a hope that he found it agreeable. "Very good," said the Duke, who was probably reflecting on Waterloo; "very good, but I really do not care what I eat."--"Don't care what you eat!" exclaimed Cambaceres, as he started back, and dropped his fork; "what _did_ you come here for, then!" MCCCVII.--VERY TRUE. "ALL that is necessary for the enjoyment of sausages at breakfast is _confidence_." MCCCVIII.--A JEW'S EYE TO BUSINESS. A JEW, who was condemned to be hanged, was brought to the gallows, and was just on the point of being turned off, when a reprieve arrived. When informed of this, it was expected he would instantly have quitted the cart, but he stayed to see a fellow-prisoner hanged; and being asked why he did not get about his business, he said, "he waited to see if he could bargain with Mr. Ketch for the _other_ gentleman's clothes." MCCCIX.--ST. PETER A BACHELOR. IN the list of benefactors to Peter-House is Lady Mary Ramsay, who is reported to have offered a very large property, nearly equal to a new foundation to this college, on condition that the name should be changed to _Peter and Mary's_; but she was thwarted in her intention by Dr. Soame, then master. "Peter," said the crabbed humorist, "has been too long a _bachelor_ to think of a female companion in his old days." MCCCX.--TRUE OF BOTH. "I SWEAR," said a gentleman to his mistress, "you are very handsome."--"Pooh!" said the lady, "so you would say if you did not think so."--"And so you would _think_," answered he, "though I should not _say so_." MCCCXI.--A POSER. A LECTURER, wishing to explain to a little girl the manner in which a lobster casts his shell when he has outgrown it, said, "What do you do when you have outgrown your clothes? You throw them aside, don't you?"--"O no!" replied the little one, "_we let out the tucks_!" The doctor confessed she had the advantage of him there. MCCCXII.--VERY APPROPRIATE. A FACETIOUS old gentleman, who thought his two sons consumed too much time in hunting and shooting, styled them _Nimrod_ and _Ramrod_. MCCCXIII.--A BAD JUDGE.