SIR GODFREY KNELLER and Dr. Ratcliffe lived next door to each other, and were extremely intimate. Kneller had a very fine garden, and as the doctor was fond of flowers, he permitted him to have a door into it. Ratcliffe's servants gathering and destroying the flowers, Kneller sent to inform him that he would nail up the door; to which Ratcliffe, in his rough manner, replied, "Tell him, he may do anything but _paint_ it."--"Well," replied Kneller, "he may say what he will, for tell him, I will _take anything from him, except physic_." MCCCXLIX.--A HEAVY WEIGHT. MR. DOUGLAS, son of the Bishop of Salisbury, was six feet two inches in height, and of enormous bulk. The little boys of Oxford always gathered about him when he went into the streets, to look up at his towering bulk. "Get out of my way, you little scamps," he used to cry, "_or I will roll upon you_." It was upon this gentleman that Canning composed the following epigram:-- That the stones of our chapel are both black and white, Is most undeniably true; But, as Douglas walks o'er them both morning and night, It's a wonder they're not _black and blue_. MCCCL.--A SYLLABIC DIFFERENCE. GIBBON, the historian, was one day attending the trial of Warren Hastings in Westminster Hall, and Sheridan, having perceived him there, took occasion to mention "the luminous author of _The Decline and Fall_." After he had finished, one of his friends reproached him with flattering Gibbon. "Why, what did I say of him?" asked Sheridan. "You called him the luminous author."--"Luminous! Oh, I meant _vo_luminous!" MCCCLI.--"SINKING" THE WELL. THEODORE HOOK once observed a party of laborers sinking a well. "What are you about?" he inquired. "Boring for water, sir," was the answer. "Water's a bore at any time," responded Hook; "besides, you're quite wrong; remember the old proverb,--'Let _well_ alone.'" MCCCLII.--ON A GENTLEMAN NAMED HEDDY. IN reading his name it may truly be said, You will make that man _dy_ if you cut off his _Hed_. MCCCLIII.--THE WAY TO KEW. HOOK, in the supposed character of Gower-street undergraduate, says: "One problem was given me to work which I did in a twinkling. Given _C A B_ to find _Q_. _Answer_: Take your _C A B_ through Hammersmith, turn to the left just before you come to Brentford, and Kew is right before you." MCCCLIV.--ABOVE PROOF. AN East-India Governor having died abroad, his body was put in arrack, to preserve it for interment, in England. A sailor on board the ship being frequently drunk, the captain forbade the purser, and indeed all in the ship, to let him have any liquor. Shortly after the fellow appeared very drunk. How he obtained the liquor, no one could guess. The captain resolved to find out, promising to forgive him if he would tell from whom he got the liquor. After some hesitation, he hiccupped out, "Why, please your honor, I _tapped the Governor_."