MCCCLV.--AWKWARD ORTHOGRAPHY. MATHEWS once went to Wakefield, then, from commercial failures, in a dreadful state. In vain did he announce his inimitable "Youthful Days"; the Yorkshiremen came not. When he progressed to Edinburgh, a friend asked him if he made much money in Wakefield. "Not a shilling!" was the reply. "Not a shilling!" reiterated his astonished acquaintance. "Why, didn't you go there _to star_?"--"Yes," replied Mathews, with mirthful mournfulness; "but they spell it with a _ve_ in Wakefield." MCCCLVI.--MISS WILBERFORCE. WHEN Mr. Wilberforce was a candidate for Hull, his sister, an amiable and witty young lady, offered the compliment of a new gown to each of the wives of those freemen who voted for her brother, on which she was saluted with a cry of "Miss Wilberforce _for ever_!" when she pleasantly observed, "I thank you, gentlemen, but I can not agree with you; for really, I do not wish to be _Miss Wilberforce for ever_!" MCCCLVII.--WRITTEN ON THE UNION, 1801, BY A BARRISTER OF DUBLIN. WHY should we explain, that the times are so bad, Pursuing a querulous strain? When Erin gives up all the rights that she had, What _right has she left to complain_? MCCCLVIII.--A COOL PROPOSITION. AT the breaking up of a fashionable party at the west end of town, one of the company said he was about to "drop in" at Lady Blessington's; whereupon a young gentleman, a perfect stranger to the speaker, very modestly said, "O then, you can take me with you; I want very much to know her, and you can introduce me." While the other was standing aghast at the impudence of the proposal, and muttering something about being but a slight acquaintance himself, etc., Sydney Smith observed, "Pray oblige our young friend; you can do it easily enough by introducing him in a capacity very desirable at this close season of the year,--say you are bringing with you the _cool of the evening_." MCCCLIX.--A PROPER NAME. WHEN Messrs. Abbot and Egerton took the old Coburg Theatre for the purpose of bringing forward the legitimate drama, the former gentleman asked Hook if he could suggest a new name, the old being too much identified with blue fire and broadswords to suit the proposed change of performance. "Why," said Hook, "as you will of course butcher everything you attempt, suppose you call it _Abbatoir_." MCCCLX.--THE GRANDSON. HORACE WALPOLE, on one occasion observed that there had existed the same indecision, irresolution, and want of system in the politics of Queen Anne, as at the time he spoke, under the reign of George the Third. "But," added he, "there is nothing new under the _sun_!"--"No," said George Selwyn, "nor under the _grand-son_!" MCCCLXI.--AN UNANSWERABLE ARGUMENT.