MANNERS, who had himself but lately been made Earl of Rutland, told Sir Thomas More "he was too much elated with his preferment; that he verified the old proverb, 'Honores mutant mores.'"--"No, my lord," said Sir Thomas, "the pun will do much better in English, 'Honors _change_ Manners.'" MDCXLIX.--AN EQUIVOCAL PREFERENCE. A GENTLEMAN was describing to Douglas Jerrold the story of his courtship and marriage,--how his wife had been brought up in a convent, and was on the point of taking the veil, when his presence burst upon her enraptured sight, and she accepted him as her husband. Jerrold listened to the end of the story, and then quietly remarked, "Ah! she evidently thought you better than _nun_." MDCL.--RECIPROCAL ACTION. A VERY fat man, for the purpose of quizzing his doctor, asked him to prescribe for a complaint, which he declared was sleeping with his mouth open. "Sir," said the doctor, "your disease is incurable. Your skin is _too short_, so that when you shut your eyes your mouth opens." MDCLI.--ACRES AND WISEACRES. A WEALTHY but weak-headed barrister once remarked to Curran that "No one should be admitted to the Bar who had not an independent landed property."--"May I ask, sir," replied Curran, "how many acres make a _wise-acre_?" MDCLII.--AN UNEQUAL ARRANGEMENT. TWO young Irishmen, wishing to live cheaply, and to divide their expenses, agreed the one to _board_, and the other to _lodge_. MDCLIII.--A REASON FOR BEING TOO LATE. CANNING and another gentleman were looking at a picture of the Deluge: the ark was in the middle distance; in the fore-sea an elephant was seen struggling with his fate. "I wonder," said the gentleman, "that the elephant did not secure _an inside_ place."--"He was too late, my friend," replied Canning; "he was detained _packing up his trunk_." MDCLIV.--COOL AS A CUCUMBER. SOME one was mentioning in Lamb's presence the cold-heartedness of the Duke of Cumberland, in restraining the duchess from rushing up to the embrace of her son, whom she had not seen for a considerable time, and insisting on her receiving him in state. "How horribly _cold_ it was," said the narrator. "Yes," replied Lamb, in his stuttering way; "but you know he is the, Duke of _Cu-cum-ber-land_." MDCLV.--AN AMPLE APOLOGY. A CLERGYMAN at Cambridge preached a sermon which one of his auditors commended. "Yes," said the gentleman to whom it was mentioned, "it was a good sermon, but he stole it." This was repeated to the preacher, who resented it, and called on the gentleman to retract. "I will," replied the aggressor. "I said you had stolen the sermon. I find I was wrong, for on referring to the book whence I thought it was taken, _I found it there_." MDCLVI.--FUNERAL INVITATION.