"DO come and dine with me," said John to Pat: "you must; though I have only a nice piece of beef and some potatoes for you."--"O my dear fellow! don't make the laist apology about the dinner, it's the very same I should have had at home, _barrin' the beef_." DLXIX.--LAMB AND ERSKINE. COUNSELLOR LAMB, an old man when Lord Erskine was in the height of his reputation, was of timid and nervous disposition, usually prefacing his pleadings with an apology to that effect; and on one occasion, when opposed, in some cause, to Erskine, he happened to remark that "he felt himself growing more and more timid as he grew older."--"No wonder," replied the relentless barrister; "every one knows the older a _lamb_ grows, the more _sheepish_ he becomes." DLXX.--TRUE WIT. TRUE wit is like the brilliant stone Dug from Golconda's mine; Which boasts two various powers in one, To cut as well as shine. Genius, like that, if polished right, With the same gifts abounds; Appears at once both keen and bright, And sparkles while it wounds. DLXXI.--ORDER! ORDER! A BARRISTER opened a case somewhat confusedly. Mr. Justice Maule interrupted him. "I wish, Mr. ----, you would put your facts in some order; chronological order is the best, but I am not particular. Any order you like--_alphabetical_ order." DLXXII.--THEATRICAL WIT. HATTON, who was a considerable favorite at the Haymarket Theatre, and particularly in the part of _Jack Junk_, was one night at Gosport, performing the character of _Barbarossa_. In the scene where the tyrant makes love to _Zapphira_, and reminds her of his services against the enemies of her kingdom, he was at a loss, and could not catch the word from the prompter, when, seeing the house crowded with sailors, and regardless of the gross anachronism, he exclaimed, with all the energy of tragedy-- "Did not I, By that brave knight Sir Sidney Smith assisted, And in conjunction with the gallant Nelson, Drive Bonaparte and his fierce marauders From Egypt's shores?" The jolly tars thought that it was all in his part, and cheered the actor with three rounds of applause. DLXXIII.--THE CUT DIRECT. A GENTLEMAN having his hair cut, was asked by the garrulous operator "how he would have it done?"--"If possible," replied the gentleman, "_in silence_." DLXXIV.--BUSY BODIES. A MASTER of a ship called out, "Who is below?" A boy answered, "Will, sir."--"What are you doing?"--"Nothing, sir."--"Is Tom there?"--"Yes," said Tom. "What are _you_ doing?"--"Helping Will, sir." DLXXV.--THE HOPEFUL PUPIL.