The Jest Book: The Choicest Anecdotes and SayingsLemon, Mark
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The Jest Book: The Choicest Anecdotes and Sayings
Lemon, Mark
Anecdotes -- Great Britain; English wit and humor
THIS celebrated actor was, perhaps, in no part so excellent as that of
_Romeo_, for which he was particularly fitted by an uncommonly handsome
and commanding person, and a silver-toned voice. At the time that he
attracted the town to Covent Garden by his excellent performance of his
part, Garrick found it absolutely necessary to divide the attention of
the public by performing _Romeo_ himself at Drury Lane. He wanted the
natural advantages of Barry, and, great as he was, would, perhaps, have
willingly avoided such a contention. This, at least, seems to have been
a prevailing opinion; for in the garden scene, when _Juliet_ in
soliloquy exclaims, "_O Romeo, Romeo_, wherefore art thou _Romeo_?" an
auditor archly replied, aloud, "_Because Barry has gone to the other
house_."
DCLXIX.--BAD SPORT.
MR. HARE, formerly the envoy to Poland, had apartments in the same house
with Mr. Fox, and like his friend Charles, had frequent visits from
bailiffs. One morning, as he was looking out of his window, he observed
two of them at the door. "Pray, gentlemen," says he, "are you _Fox_
hunting, or _Hare_ hunting this morning?"
DCLXX.--MEASURE FOR MEASURE.
THE amiable Mrs. W---- always insists that her friends who take grog
shall mix _equal_ quantities of spirits and water, though she never
observes the rule for herself. A writer of plays having once made a
glass under her directions, was asked by the lady, "Pray, sir, is it _As
you like it_?"--"No, madam," replied the dramatist; "it is _Measure for
Measure_."
DCLXXI.--A PROBABILITY.
JONATHAN and his friend Paddy were enjoying a delightful ride, when they
came in sight of what is very unusual in any civilized state
now-a-days--an old gallows or gibbet. This suggested to the American the
idea of being witty at the expense of his Irish companion. "You see
_that_, I calculate," said he nasally, pointing to the object just
mentioned; "and now where would _you_ be if the gallows had its
due?"--"Riding _alone_," coolly replied Paddy.
DCLXXII.--LEGAL ADULTERATION.
SEVERAL publicans being assembled at Malton, in Yorkshire, in order to
renew their licenses to retail beer, the worthy magistrate addressed one
of them (an old woman), and said he trusted she did not put any
pernicious ingredients into the liquor; to which she immediately
replied: "I'll assure your worship there's naught pernicious put into
our barrels that I know of, but the _exciseman's stick_."
DCLXXIII.--VOX ET PRAETEREA NIHIL.
"I WONDER if Brougham thinks as much as he talks,"
Said a punster perusing a trial;
"I vow, since his lordship was made Baron Vaux,
He's been _Vaux et praeterea nihil_."
DCLXXIV.--SALISBURY CATHEDRAL SPIRE.
A SEXTON in Salisbury Cathedral was telling Charles Lamb that eight
people had dined at the pointed top of the spire; upon which Lamb
remarked that they must have been very _sharp set_.
DCLXXV.--AN ACT OF JUSTICE.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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