DR. BARTON, being in company with Dr. Nash, who had just printed two heavy folios on the antiquities of Worcestershire, remarked that the publication was deficient in several respects, adding, "Pray, doctor, are you not a justice of the peace?"--"I am," replied Nash. "Then," said Barton, "I advise you to send your work to the _house of correction_." DCLXXVI.--LISTON'S DREAM. AS Liston lay wrapt in delicious repose, Most harmoniously playing a tune with his nose, In a dream there appeared the adorable Venus, Who said, "To be sure there's no likeness between us; Yet to show a celestial to kindness so prone is, Your looks shall soon rival the handsome Adonis." Liston woke in a fright, and cried, "Heaven preserve me! If my face you improve, zounds! madam, you'll _starve me_!" DCLXXVII.--A VOLUMINOUS SPEAKER. A WELL-KNOWN lawyer, Mr. Marryatt, who declared he had never opened any book after he left school but a law book, once told a jury, when speaking of a chimney on fire: "Gentlemen, the chimney took fire; it poured forth _volumes_ of smoke! _Volumes_, did I say? Whole _encyclopaedias_!" Mr. Marryatt is said to have applied for two _mandami_. DCLXXVIII.--A SUGGESTIVE QUESTION. DOUGLAS JERROLD, discussing one day with Mr. Selby, the vexed question of adapting dramatic pieces from the French, that gentleman insisted upon claiming some of his characters as strictly original creations. "Do you remember my Baroness in _Ask no Questions_?" said Mr. S. "Yes, indeed. I don't think I ever saw a piece of yours without being struck by your _barrenness_," was the retort. DCLXXIX.--LOVE AND HYMEN. HYMEN comes when he is called, and Love when he pleases. DCLXXX.--PAR NOBILE FRATRUM. A FORMER laird of Brotherton was on all occasions a man of few words. He had a favorite tame goose, and for hours together Brotherton and his silent companion sat by the fireside opposite to each other. On one occasion a candidate for the representation of the county in Parliament called upon him to solicit his vote, and urged his request with much eloquence; to all which the laird replied only by nods and smiles, without saying a word. When, however, the candidate was gone, he looked across to his goose, and emphatically remarked, "I'm thinkin' yon windy chiel'll no _tell muckle_ that you and I _said_ till him." DCLXXXI.--PLAIN LANGUAGE. MR. JOHN CLERK, in pleading before the House of Lords one day, happened to say, in his broadest Scotch accent, "In plain English, ma Lords;" upon which Lord Eldon jocosely remarked, "In plain Scotch, you mean, Mr. Clerk." The prompt advocate instantly rejoined, "Na matter! in plain _common sense_, ma Lords, and that's the same in a' languages, ye'll ken." DCLXXXII.--A SETTLER.