He wasn't afraid (though putting himself the question as he believed
gentlemen on Bengal tiger-shoots or in close quarters with the great bear
of the Rockies had been known to confess to having put it); and this
indeed--since here at least he might be frank!--because of the
impression, so intimate and so strange, that he himself produced as yet a
dread, produced certainly a strain, beyond the liveliest he was likely to
feel. They fell for him into categories, they fairly became familiar,
the signs, for his own perception, of the alarm his presence and his
vigilance created; though leaving him always to remark, portentously, on
his probably having formed a relation, his probably enjoying a
consciousness, unique in the experience of man. People enough, first and
last, had been in terror of apparitions, but who had ever before so
turned the tables and become himself, in the apparitional world, an
incalculable terror? He might have found this sublime had he quite dared
to think of it; but he didn't too much insist, truly, on that side of his
privilege. With habit and repetition he gained to an extraordinary
degree the power to penetrate the dusk of distances and the darkness of
corners, to resolve back into their innocence the treacheries of
uncertain light, the evil-looking forms taken in the gloom by mere
shadows, by accidents of the air, by shifting effects of perspective;
putting down his dim luminary he could still wander on without it, pass
into other rooms and, only knowing it was there behind him in case of
need, see his way about, visually project for his purpose a comparative
clearness. It made him feel, this acquired faculty, like some monstrous
stealthy cat; he wondered if he would have glared at these moments with
large shining yellow eyes, and what it mightn't verily be, for the poor
hard-pressed _alter ego_, to be confronted with such a type.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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