Gradually the following story was elicited from the patient. His mother died
when he was seven and his father married again in less than a year. The
former sweetheart was his step-mother's half-sister who came to live at
their house because the schools were better. He became infatuated with this
girl and his step-mother did everything she could to encourage his feeling
as she thought it would be a good match. The vision of his sweetheart in the
flames was based on an actual occurrence. She was sitting in front of a
fireplace once when a log of burning wood fell out and he jumped to pull her
away and held her close in his arms for a moment.
Finally, however, he broke off absolutely all relations with the girl. The
reason seems quite adequate. Why didn't you marry, I asked. He answered,
"we quarrelled and I left her. I didn't like her morals. She went with
other men and had connection with them. I saw her go into the woods one
night with another fellow, and once at Salisbury Beach I saw her go into a
hotel with a man and register as his wife."
About a year after this the patient began going with another girl more in an
attempt to crowd the image of his former first love out of his mind than
because he had fallen in love again. A year later they married. From the
first his married life was not entirely happy. More or less unconsciously he
began to regret lost opportunities. He was a travelling man and soon after
marriage his route was enlarged necessitating his being away from home a
month at a time. On these trips he used to get exceedingly lonesome
especially as he steadily refused going with other travelling men and making
a night of it as they often did. One of his routes took him to Virginia and
he said that he had returned from New York on the way there just for the
sake of spending a night with his wife. Once, in New York, he was
unfaithful to his wife and on that occasion contracted gonorrhea. This,
however, was the only time he has ever had extra-marital sexual relations,
he said.
Just before his attacks began, which was about four years ago, he was told
by his wife's doctor that it would be impossible for her to have any more
children as she was suffering from heart disease. To his mind this meant
giving up coitus. Then, unconsciously, he began to dream of Anna, his first
love. He regretted more than ever not taking advantage of his former
opportunities, and unconsciously dallied with the thought of deserting his
wife. Just at this time his attacks began.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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