With the light in the window, I came into an entirely new field of
associations. I cannot go far into detail here as it would involve others
as well as myself, but suffice to say that the light in the window called up
a paper on the subject of light which was written by a Mr. X. and read in my
hearing. Now Mr. X. and I had both kept company with the same young lady at
different times, and here was another group of emotionally colored
experiences. However, the important function performed by the light was that
it symbolized (together with the house in which it was) the comforts, warmth
and pleasures of the very opposite condition from that of being "out in the
cold world with no one to love."
The house number "23" is associated with at least two occasions. One Sunday
evening; a few of the boys of our "squad," myself among them, went out with
the daughter of our landlady, and one or two other young ladies and took a
boat ride in the park. It was a beautiful summer night and the park was full
of young people who were treating each other to very endearing caresses.
There were so many who wanted boats that only one boat was unoccupied, and
it was No. 23. It had been left because it was a hoodoo number, and the
other boaters were all superstitious. As we were not, we took this boat and
used it. My longing lonesomeness was about at its maximum height on this
night. The other occasion associated with this number is that I became
engaged when I was twenty-three years old and at that time desired greatly
to be married; but, as I was in school, it had to be postponed.
Now the climax of the dream! I took a key from my pocket, unlocked the door
and entered. This is so plain that it hardly needs comment. Being in the
cold world, as symbolized by the cold street, I enter the warmth and comfort
of the lighted house. The key and lock are, of course, phallic symbols and
have special significance for me as I once took a young lady to a banquet at
which the favors were paper keys and hearts. Thus symbolically are fulfilled
all the longings I felt while with Harding, all my desires to be married
when twenty-three, all my adolescent courtship yearnings, and all my
remaining repressed sexual longings.
As a point which may have a little bearing on this, I have recently received
a letter from Harding and in it was information that he is for a time away
from home, and I wondered if he is still careless in his behavior.
This analysis will seem foolish in the extreme to many, and I am one of the
number, but my excuse is that I have copied as closely after the Freudians
as possible. I have only to invite a comparison. This is not a "made up"
dream, but a little bit out of my daily life; just an experience occurring
on the way home from the seminary. The analysis is real in the sense that
the associations arose as I have recorded them.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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