These remarks were wrung from him by his anger at being unable to
discover what course of treatment to adopt. It was not his ordinary
custom to deny the power of medicine so roundly, for he had practised
it too much to be sceptical or modest as to its merits. For whole hours
he would sit by the girl's bedside, watching her and studying her, and
then he would go off without even leaving a single instruction behind
him, for indeed he knew not what to do, and was compelled to leave the
abscess developing, though he recognised that a hair's breadth more or
less in its size might make all the difference between life and death.
For a whole week Lazare gave himself up to the most terrible alarm.
He, too, was in perpetual fear of seeing Nature's work suddenly cease.
At every painful, difficult gasp that the girl gave he thought that
all was over. He formed in his mind a vivid picture of the phlegmon,
he fancied he could see it blocking Pauline's windpipe; if it were
only to swell a little more her breath would no longer be able to
pass. His two years of imperfect medical study served to increase his
alarm. His fears made him lose his head, and he broke out into nervous
mutiny, excited protest against life. Why was such frightful suffering
permitted? Was not all such bodily torture, all such writhing and
burning pain cruelly purposeless when disease fell on a poor weak girl?
He was for ever at her bedside, questioning her, even at the risk of
fatiguing her. Was she still in pain? How was she feeling now?
Sometimes he would take her hand and lay it upon his neck. It felt like
an intolerable weight there, like a ball of molten lead, which throbbed
till he almost choked. Her headache never left her. She did not know
where or how to rest her head, and she was tortured by sleeplessness.
During the ten days that the fever racked her she scarcely slept
for a couple of hours. One evening, to make things still worse, she
experienced a frightful pain in her ears, and fainted from sheer
suffering. But she did not confess to Lazare all the agony she endured.
She showed great courage and fortitude, recognising that he was almost
as ill as she herself was, his own blood hot with fever, and his throat
choked as by an abscess. She frequently even told fibs, and forced
a smile to her lips when racked by the keenest suffering. She felt
easier, she would say, and she would beg him to go and take a little
rest. One of the most painful features of her illness was that she
could not even swallow her saliva without giving a cry, at which Lazare
would start up in alarm, and begin to question her afresh. What was the
matter, and where did she feel pain? Then, with her eyes closed, and
her face distorted by agony, she would try to deceive him and whisper
that it was a mere nothing, that something had tickled her, and that
was all.
'Go to sleep and don't be uneasy. I am going to sleep myself now.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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