Every evening she went through this pretence of going to sleep, in
order to induce him to lie down, but he persisted in watching over her
from his arm-chair. The nights were so full of anguish that they never
saw the evening fall without a sort of superstitious terror. Would they
ever see the sun again?
One night Lazare was leaning against the bed, holding Pauline's hand
in his own, as he often did, to let her know that he was there and
was not deserting her. Doctor Cazenove had gone off at ten o'clock,
angrily exclaiming that he could answer for nothing more. The young man
derived some consolation from the thought that Pauline herself was not
aware that she was in any imminent danger. In her hearing, only a mere
inflammation of the throat was spoken of, which, though very painful,
would pass away as easily as a cold in the head. The girl seemed quite
tranquil as to the outcome, and bravely retained a cheerful countenance
in spite of her sufferings. She smiled as she heard them forming plans
for the time when she would be well again. That very night she had once
more listened to Lazare arranging a stroll along the shore for the
first day that she might be able to go out. Then they grew silent, and
she seemed to sleep, but after an interval of a quarter of an hour or
so she said distinctly:
'You will have to marry some other girl, I think, my dear.'
He stared at her in amazement, feeling chilled to his bones.
'Why do you say that?' he asked.
She had opened her eyes, and was looking at him with an expression of
brave resignation.
'Ah! I know what is the matter with me, and I am glad that I do, for I
shall be able to kiss you all before I go.'
Then Lazare grew quite angry. It was insane to think such things.
Before a week was over she would be walking about. But he dropped her
hand and made an excuse for hurrying to his own room, for sobs were
choking him; and he threw himself down in the darkness upon his bed,
on which he had not slept for a long time now. A frightful conviction
suddenly wrung his heart. Pauline was going to die, perhaps that
very night. And the thought that she knew it, and that her silence
on the subject hitherto had been due to courageous consideration
for the feelings of others, even in the imminent presence of death,
completed his despair. She knew the truth; she would see her death
agony approach, and he would be there powerless! Already he saw them
saying their last good-bye. The whole mournful scene unfolded itself
before his eyes with heart-rending detail in the darkness of his room.
It was the end of everything, and he grasped his pillow in his arms
convulsively, and buried his head in it to drown the sound of his sobs.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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