Scotland -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
Very vividly, for her mind's eye was staring wildly on the past rather
than look on this present, which, with all the honesty of youth, she
meant should have no future, there sprung up before her on the bare
plastered wall a potato-field she and her mother had seen one day when
they went to Cramond. Thousands and thousands of white flowers running
up to a skyline in ruler-drawn lines. They had walked by the River
Almond afterwards, linking arms, exclaiming together over the dark
glassy water, which slid over small frequent weirs, the tents of green
fire which the sun made of the overarching branches, the patches of moss
that grew so symmetrically between the tree-trunks on the steep
river-banks above the path that they might have been the dedicatory
tablets of rustic altars. When the cool of the evening came they had sat
and watched a wedding-party dance quadrilles on a lawn by the river,
overhung by chestnut trees and severed by a clear and rapid channel,
weedless as the air, from an island crowded by the weather-bleached
ruins of a mill. The bride and bridegroom were not young, and the stiff
movements with which they yet gladly led the dance, and the quiet, tired
merriment of their middle-aged friends, gave the occasion a quality of
its own; with which the faded purples of the loosestrife and mallows
leaning out above the water on the white walls on the island were
somehow in harmony. That was a day most happily full of things to
notice. Surely this was a world to stay in, not to leave before one
need! Ah, but it was now.
If to-morrow they started on such a walk the path by the river would be
impassable by reason of the shadow of a tall, dark man that would fall
across it, and she would not be able to sit and watch the dancers
because in any moment of stillness she would be revisited by thoughts of
the madness that had made her say those dreadful things, at the thought
of which she laid her spread hand across her mouth, that had made her so
rude to the good old man who was their only friend. Again she trembled
with hate of Yaverland, a hate that seemed to swell out from her heart.
She knew, as she would have known if a flame had destroyed her sight,
that the turn life had taken had robbed her of the beauty of the world
and was bringing her existence down to this ugly terminal focus, this
moment when she sat in this cold kitchen, its cheap print and plaster
the colour of uncleaned teeth, and tried to pluck up her energy to put
on wet shoes and go through streets full of indifferent people and
greased with foul weather to throw herself over a bridge on to rocks.
She rose and felt for her shoes that she might go out to die....
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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