India -- History -- British occupation, 1765-1947 -- Fiction
She never acknowledged to herself that any gratitude or loyalty was due
from her to her husband. On the contrary she felt that she owed him, as
well as Fate, a grudge. She was young, warmblooded, of a passionate
temperament, yet she found herself wedded to a man who apparently needed
a housekeeper, not a wife. Her husband did not appear to realise that a
woman is not essentially different to a man, that she has feelings,
desires, passions, just as he has--although by a polite fiction the
prudish Anglo-Saxon races seem to agree to regard her as of a more
spiritual, more ethereal and less earthly a nature. Yet it is only a
fiction after all. Violet was a living woman, a creature of flesh and
blood who was not content to be a chattel, a household ornament, a piece
of furniture. It was not to be wondered at that she longed to enter into
woman's kingdom, to exercise the power of her sex to sway the other and
to experience the thrill of the realisation of that power. Often in her
loneliness she pined to see eyes she loved look with love into hers. She
was not a marble statue. It was but natural that she should long for
Love, a lover, the clasp of strong arms, the pressure of a man's broad
chest against her bosom, the feel of burning kisses on her lips, the
glorious surrender of her whole being to some adored one to whom she was
the universe, who lived but for her.
Now for the first time in her life her errant dreams took concrete
shape. At last she began to feel the companionship of a particular man
necessary for her happiness. She had never before realised the
pleasure, the joy, to be derived from the presence of one of the
opposite sex who was in sympathy, in perfect harmony with her nature.
In her lonely hours--and they were many--she thought constantly of
Wargrave; his face was ever before her, his voice sounding in her ears.
She usually saw her husband--absorbed in his work and studies--only at
meals; and as she looked across the table at him then she could not help
contrasting the heavy, unattractive man sitting silent, usually reading
a book while he ate, with the good-looking, laughter-loving playfellow
who had come into her life. She learned to day-dream of Wargrave, to
watch for his coming and hate his going, to enjoy every moment of his
presence. He had brought a new interest into her hitherto purposeless
life, the life that he had preserved and that consequently seemed to
belong to him. New feelings awakened in her. The world was a brighter,
happier place than it had been. It pleased her to realise what it all
meant, to know that the novel sensations, the fluttering hopes and
fears, the strange, delightful thrills, were all symptoms of that
longed-for malady that comes sooner or later to all women. She knew at
last that she loved Wargrave and gloried in the knowledge. And she never
doubted that he loved her in return.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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