With his hair in disorder on his handsome shapely head, he would sit
thus hours together, not wholly insensible to a certain grim sense of
humor, since in all his schemes of life he had made no provision for the
very thing that had happened. He wondered mightily what a fellow could
do with his last thousand dollars, especially when a fellow chanced to
be in love and meditated nothing less than marriage; for North's
day-dream, coming like the sun through a rift in the clouds to light up
the somberness of his solitary musings, was all of love and Elizabeth
Herbert. He wondered what she had heard of him--little that was good, he
told himself, and probably much that was to his discredit. Yet as he sat
there he was slowly shaping plans for the future. One point was clear:
he must leave Mount Hope, where he had run his course, where he was
involved and committed in ways he could not bear to think of. To go
meant that he would be forsaking much that was evil; a situation from
which he could not extricate himself otherwise. It also meant that he
would be leaving Elizabeth Herbert; but perhaps she had not even guessed
his secret, for he had not spoken of love; or perhaps having divined it,
she cared nothing for him. Even so, his regeneration seemed in itself a
thing worth while. What he was to do, how make a place for himself, he
had scarcely considered; but his inheritance was wasted, and of the
comfortable thousands that had come to him, next to nothing remained.
In the intervals between his musings Mr. North got together such of his
personal belongings as he deemed worth the removal; he was surprised to
find how few were the things he really valued. On the grounds of a
chastened taste in such matters he threw aside most of his clothes; he
told himself that he did not care to be judged by such mere externals as
the shade of a tie or the color of a pair of hose. Under his hands--for
the spirit of reform was strong upon him--his rooms took on a sober
appearance. He amused himself by making sundry penitential offerings to
the flames; numerous evidences of his unrighteous bachelorhood
disappearing from walls and book-shelves. Coincident with this he owned
to a feeling of intense satisfaction. What remained he would have his
friend Marshall Langham sell after he was gone, his finances having
suddenly become of paramount importance.
But the days passed, and though he was not able to bring himself to
leave Mount Hope, his purpose in its final aspect underwent no change.
He lived to himself, and his old haunts and his old friends saw nothing
of him. Evelyn Langham, whom he had known before she married his friend
Marshall, was fortunately absent from town. Her letters to him remained
unanswered; the last one he had burned unread. He was sick of the
devious crooked paths he had trodden; he might not be just the stuff of
which saints are made, but there was the hope in his heart of better
things than he had yet known.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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