After his _dejeuner_, he sat for a time attempting to readjust his
ideas. He had told Saxon that he would never again speak of love to
Duska. Now, he realized how barren of hope it would ever be for him to
renew his plea. She had bankrupted his heart. He had buried his own
hopes, and no one except himself had known at what cost to himself. He
had taken his place in the niche dedicated to closest friend, just
outside the inner shrine reserved for the one who could penetrate that
far. Now, he was in a greater distress. Now, he wanted only her
happiness, and as he had never wanted it before. Now, he realized that
the only source through which this could come was the source that
seemed hopelessly clogged. There was no doubt of his sincerity. Even
his own intimate questioning acquitted him of self-consideration.
Could he at that moment have had one wish fulfilled by some magic
agency of miracle, that wish would have been that he might lead Robert
Saxon, as Robert Saxon had been, to Duska, with all his memory and
love intact, and free from any incumbrance that might divide them.
That would have been the gift of all gifts, and the only gift that
would drive the look of heart-hunger and despair from her eyes.
Steele was restless, and, taking up his hat, he strolled out along the
quay, and turned at last into the _Boulevard St. Michel_, stretching
off in a broad vista of cafe-lined sidewalks. The life of the "_Boule
Mich_" held no attraction for him. In his earlier days, he had known
it from the river to the _Boulevard Montparnasse_. He knew its
tributary streets, its lodgings, its schools and the life which the
spirit of the modern is so rapidly revolutionizing from Bohemia's
shabby capital to a conventionalized district. None of these things
held for him the piquant challenge of novelty.
As he passed a certain cafe, which he had once known as the informal
club of the Marston cult, he realized that here the hilarity was more
pronounced than elsewhere. The boulevard itself was for squares a
thread, stringing cafes like beads in a necklace. Each had its crowd
of revelers; its boisterous throng of frowsy, velvet-jacketed,
long-haired students; its laughing models; its inevitable brooding and
despondent _absintheurs_ sitting apart in isolated melancholy. Yet,
here at the "_Chat Noir_," the chorus was noisier. Although the
evening was chill, the sidewalk tables were by no means deserted. The
Parisian proves his patriotism by his adherence to the out-door table,
even if he must turn up his collar, and shiver as he sips his wine.
Listlessly, Steele turned into the place. It was so crowded this
evening that for a time it looked as though he would have difficulty
in finding a seat. At last, a waiter led him to a corner where,
dropping to the seat along the wall, he ordered his wine, and sat
gloomily looking on.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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