"Yes, my lord," said Jones; "but not your lordship's lunch. It will be laid here immediately, my lord. I will go at once and convey your invitation to your lordship's friends." He hastened from the room, leaving me dumbfounded. I did not enjoy Jones as much as I had anticipated. In a moment a pretty parlour-maid arrived to lay the cloth. I became conscious that I was hungry and thirsty and travel-stained, and I determined to let things slide till after lunch, when I could easily set them right. The sunshine was flooding the room, and the sea was a dance of diamonds. The sight of the prandial preparations softened me. I retired to my beautiful bedroom and plunged my face into a basin of water. There was a knock at the door. "Come in!" I spluttered. "Your hot water, my lord!" It was Jones. "I've got into enough already," I thought. "Don't want it," I growled peremptorily; "I always wash in cold." I would have my way in small things, I resolved, if I could not have it in great. "Certainly, your lordship; this is only for shaving." My cheeks grew hot beneath the fingers washing them. I remembered that I had overslept myself that morning, and neglected shaving lest I should miss my train. There were but a few microscopic hairs, yet I felt at once I had not the face to meet Jones at lunch. "Thank you!" I said savagely. When I had wiped my eyes I found he was still in the room, bent in meek adoration. "What in the devil do you want now?" I thundered. His eyes lit up with rapture. It was as though I had made oath I was a nobleman and removed his last doubt. "Pommery Green-oh or Hideseek, my lord?" I cursed silently. I am of an easy-going disposition, and in my most penurious student days, had to spend twenty-five per cent more on my modest lunch whenever the waiter said: "Stout or bitter, sir?" But the present alternative was far more terrible. I was on the point of saying I was a teetotaller, when I remembered that would shut off my nocturnal whisky-and-water, and condemn me to goody-goody beverages at meals. I remembered, too, that Jones intended the champagne as much for my friends as myself, and that lords are proverbially disassociated from temperance. Oh! it was horrible that this oleaginous snob should rob a poor man of his beer! Perhaps I could escape with claret. In my agitation I commenced lathering my chin and returned no answer at all. The voice of Jones came at last, charged with deeper respect, but inevitable as the knell of doom. "Did you say Pommery Green-oh! my lord?" "No!" I yelled defiantly. "Thank you, my lord. Lord Porchester was very partial to our Hideseek--when he was here. We have an excellent year." "I wish you had twelve months," I thought furiously. Then when the door closed upon him, I ground my razor savagely and muttered: "All right! I'll take it out of you in Damtidam."