The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and FantasiesZangwill, Israel
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The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies
Zangwill, Israel
Humorous stories; Jewish fiction; Jews -- England -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
It is possible to live with a man and see very little of him. Where
each of the partners lives his own life in his own way, with his own
circle of friends and external amusements, days may go by without the
men having five minutes together. Perhaps this explains why these
partnerships jog along so much more peaceably than marriages, where
the chain is drawn so much tighter, and galls the partners rather than
links them. Diverse, however, as were the hours and habits of the
chums, they often breakfasted together, and they agreed in one
thing--they never stayed out at night. For the rest Peters sought his
diversions in the company of journalists, and frequented debating
rooms, where he propounded the most iconoclastic views; while Roxdal
had highly respectable houses open to him in the suburbs, and was, in
fact, engaged to be married to Clara Newell, the charming daughter of
a retired corn factor, a widower with no other child.
[Illustration: ASKED TWENTY-FIVE PER CENT MORE.]
Clara naturally took up a good deal of Roxdal's time, and he often
dressed to go to the play with her, while Peters stayed at home in a
faded dressing-gown and loose slippers. Mrs. Seacon liked to see
gentlemen about the house in evening dress, and made comparisons not
favourable to Peters. And this in spite of the fact that he gave her
infinitely less trouble than the younger man. It was Peters who first
took the apartments, and it was characteristic of his easy-going
temperament that he was so openly and naïvely delighted with the view
of the Thames obtainable from the bedroom window, that Mrs. Seacon was
emboldened to ask twenty-five per cent more than she had intended. She
soon returned to her normal terms, however, when his friend Roxdal
called the next day to inspect the rooms, and overwhelmed her with a
demonstration of their numerous shortcomings. He pointed out that
their being on the ground floor was not an advantage, but a
disadvantage, since they were nearer the noises of the street--in
fact, the house being a corner one, the noises of two streets. Roxdal
continued to exhibit the same finicking temperament in the petty
details of the _ménage_. His shirt fronts were never sufficiently
starched, nor his boots sufficiently polished. Tom Peters, having no
regard for rigid linen, was always good-tempered and satisfied, and
never acquired the respect of his landlady. He wore blue check shirts
and loose ties even on Sundays. It is true he did not go to church,
but slept on till Roxdal returned from morning service, and even then
it was difficult to get him out of bed, or to make him hurry up his
toilette operations. Often the mid-day meal would be smoking on the
table while Peters would be still reading in bed, and Roxdal, with his
head thrust through the folding-doors that separated the bedroom from
the sitting-room, would be adjuring the sluggard to arise and shake
off his slumbers, and threatening to sit down without him, lest the
dinner be spoilt.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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