The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and FantasiesZangwill, Israel
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The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies
Zangwill, Israel
Humorous stories; Jewish fiction; Jews -- England -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
"I have recovered it!" observed the _Schnorrer_ cheerfully. "As it is
written, 'And David recovered all that the Amalekites had taken.' You
see in the excitement of the moment I did not notice that you had
stolen my packets of silver as well as my salmon. Luckily your cook
had not yet removed the fish from the bag--I chid her all the same for
neglecting to put it into water, and she opened her mouth not in
wisdom. If she had not been a heathen I should have suspected her of
trickery, for I knew nothing of the amount of money in the bag, saving
your assurance that it did not fall below seventeen shillings, and it
would have been easy for her to replace the fish. Therefore, in the
words of David, will I give thanks unto Thee, O Lord, among the
heathen."
The mental vision of the irruption of Manasseh into the kitchen was
not pleasant to Grobstock. However, he only murmured: "How came you to
think of it so suddenly?"
"Looking at your clothes reminded me. I was wondering if you had left
anything in the pockets."
The donor started--he knew himself a careless rascal--and made as if
he would overhaul his garments. The glitter in Manasseh's eye
petrified him.
"Do you--do you--mind my looking?" he stammered apologetically.
"Am I a dog?" quoted the _Schnorrer_ with dignity. "Am I a thief that
you should go over my pockets? If, when I get home," he conceded,
commencing to draw distinctions with his thumb, "I should find
anything in my pockets that is of no value to anybody but you, do you
fear I will not return it? If, on the other hand, I find anything that
is of value to me, do you fear I will not keep it?"
"No, but--but--" Grobstock broke down, scarcely grasping the
argumentation despite his own clarity of financial insight; he only
felt vaguely that the _Schnorrer_ was--professionally enough--begging
the question.
"But what?" enquired Manasseh. "Surely you need not me to teach you
your duty. You cannot be ignorant of the Law of Moses on the point."
"The Law of Moses says nothing on the point!"
"Indeed! What says Deuteronomy? 'When thou reapest thine harvest in
thy field, and hast forgot a sheaf in the field, thou shalt not go
again to fetch it: it shall be for the stranger, for the fatherless,
and for the widow.' Is it not further forbidden to go over the boughs
of thy olive-tree again, or to gather the fallen fruit of thy
vineyard? You will admit that Moses would have added a prohibition
against searching minutely the pockets of cast-off garments, were it
not that for forty years our ancestors had to wander in the wilderness
in the same clothes, which miraculously waxed with their growth. No, I
feel sure you will respect the spirit of the law, for when I went down
into your kitchen and examined the door-post to see if you had nailed
up a _mezuzah_ upon it, knowing that many Jews only flaunt _mezuzahs_
on door-posts visible to visitors, it rejoiced me to find one below
stairs."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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