The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and FantasiesZangwill, Israel
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The King of Schnorrers: Grotesques and Fantasies
Zangwill, Israel
Humorous stories; Jewish fiction; Jews -- England -- Fiction; London (England) -- Fiction
"But d'ye no ken this is a speakin' part?"
[Illustration: "'BUT D'YE NO KEN THIS A SPEAKIN' PART?'"]
"I did--not--know--that," faltered Jimmy.
"Where's your ears, mon?" inquired Davie sternly. "Dinna ye hear me
growlin' and grizzlin' and squealin' and skirlin'?"
"Y--e--s," said Jimmy. "But I thought you did it at random."
"Thocht I did it at random!" cried Davie, holding up his hands in
horror. "And mebbe also ye thocht onybody could do't!"
Jimmy's shamed silence gave consent also to this unflinching
interpretation of his thought.
"Ah weel!" said Davie, with melancholy resignation, "this is the
artist's reward for his sweat and labour. Why, mon, let me tell ye,
ilka note is not ainly timed but modulatit to the dramatic eenterest
o' the moment, and that I hae practised the squeak hours at a time wi'
a bagpiper. Tak' my place, indeed! Are ye fou again, or hae ye tint
your senses?"
"But you could do the words all the same. I only want to see for
once."
"And how d'ye think the words should sound, coming from the creature's
belly? And what should ye see! You should nae ken where to go, I
warrant. Come, I'll spier ye. Where d'ye come in for the fight with
St. George--is it R 2 E or L U E?"
"L U E," replied Jimmy feebly.
"Ye donnered auld runt!" cried Davie triumphantly. "'Tis neither one
nor t'other. 'Tis R C. Why, ye're capable of deein' up stage instead
of down! Ye'd spoil my great scene. And ye are to remember I wad bear
the wyte for 't, for naebody but our two sel's should ken the truth.
Nay, nay, my mon. I hae my responsibeelities to the management. Ye're
all verra weel in a subordinate position, but dinna ye aspire to more
than beseems your abeelities. I am richt glad ye spoke me. Eh, but it
would be an awfu' thing if I was taken bad and naebody to play the
part. I'll warn the manager to put on an under-study betimes."
"Oh, but let _me_ be the under-study, then," pleaded Jimmy.
Davie sniffed scornfully.
"'Tis a braw thing, ambeetion," he said, "but there's a proverb about
it ye ken, mebbe."
"But I'll notice everything you do, and exactly how you do it!"
Davie relented a little.
"Ah, weel," he said cautiously, "I'll bide a wee before speaking to
the manager."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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